S1, Ep 7 Best Friend Therapy: Competition - What does winning mean? Why does it matter? Who are we really competing with?
Dial Emma
Emma Reed Turrell
4.8 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 9 May 2022
⏱️ 38 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This episode is all about competition - how it can become a problem when it comes from a place of scarcity and how we can learn to develop an abundance mindset that allows us to reach our goals more securely and meaningfully. We look at competition through the lens of attachment theory and explore the difference between belonging and fitting in.
Elizabeth takes a break from training for Paris 2024 to unpack her relationship with jealousy, and Emma tucks into some cheese that she made on her own sustainable dairy farm.
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You can listen to Elizabeth's conversation with Brené Brown in Season 13, Episode 1 of How to Fail here: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-to-fail-with-elizabeth-day/id1407451189?i=1000547612407
Emma references various psychological concepts in this episode, including:
Drivers: Kahler, T. (1975). Drivers—The Key to the Process Script. Transactional Analysis Journal, 5:3 http://changingminds.org/explanations/motivation/kahler_drivers/kahlers_drivers.htm#nav
Process Scripts: Kahler, T. (2008). The Process Therapy Model: The Six Personality Types with Adaptations, Taibi Kahler Associates, Inc. http://changingminds.org/explanations/models/kahler_scripts.htm
Reparenting and Redecision therapy: these and many other concepts are covered in this brilliant introduction to Transactional Analysis https://www.amazon.co.uk/Today-New-Introduction-Transactional-Analysis/dp/1870244028
There is a wealth of information available about attachment theory but one of Emma's favourite books is: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attachment-Psychotherapy-David-J-Wallin/dp/1593854560
Edit: thank you so much to Gemma who emailed us with a reference for the mice! From the Prologue of: Pearce, C (2016). A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder (Second Edition). London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp. To contact us, email contact@bestfriendtherapy.co.uk
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Social Media:
Elizabeth Day @elizabday
Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell
Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to Best Friend Therapy. I'm Elizabeth Day, author and |
| 0:05.8 | podcaster and for over 20 years I've been best friends with a therapist. |
| 0:10.3 | That's me. Hello, I'm Emma Reed-Tarell and I'm a psychotherapist. In my private |
| 0:15.2 | practice I talk to clients about the challenges they face in daily life and |
| 0:18.5 | we work together in a non-judgmental supportive space to increase their |
| 0:22.0 | sense of well-being. And as her BFF I get all the benefit of her expertise and |
| 0:27.0 | wisdom for free. Emma makes me feel better about life but also helps me to |
| 0:31.8 | understand why I act the way I do. Ah, thanks Liz. She's also one of the only |
| 0:37.2 | people allowed to call me Liz. We wanted to open the doors to our friendship and |
| 0:41.8 | throw a light on the therapy we all need in our everyday lives. Each week we |
| 0:46.5 | chat about what's on our minds to get deeper in our minds. Two best friends, one |
| 0:51.7 | therapist, no filter. That's Best Friend Therapy. Hello, welcome to Best |
| 0:59.0 | Friend Therapy. I'm Emma Reed-Tarell saying hello to Elizabeth Day. That was so |
| 1:04.4 | good, Emma. Good morning. You don't know because you weren't there, man. That was Emma's |
| 1:13.1 | first ever, hello. Well, no, it's not my first hello on the show. I think you did |
| 1:19.4 | that beautifully. Thanks very much. Oh yeah, I'll carry on. So today we're going to |
| 1:24.0 | talk about competition. This wasn't my idea. This was Liz's idea. And it was the |
| 1:29.1 | best idea. It was better than any idea you've ever had. This is what it's going to be like |
| 1:33.7 | in the next 40 minutes. So why don't we just let her win early on. Thank you. What do |
| 1:39.1 | you think about competition? That gives me such a soothing sense of victory. Ah, take |
| 1:45.2 | it. No, so I wanted to talk about this because I've realised that I have a real issue with |
| 1:53.2 | competitiveness. Do you have an issue with competitiveness or do you have an issue with |
... |
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