When my son Henry was four I joined a band just temporarily it was a temporary band one show only I'd never been in a band and I don't know why I agreed to it, except that

when my friend Mike asked me to do it, I knew the right answer was yes. At the first band

practice I stood on a stage with three men who had all been in a band before and they started to improvise and I wasn't sure what to do or what to sing and the worst part was I didn't know what to do with my arms because I didn't have an instrument.

It was like dying.

It was like being 15 again.

When the band took a break, one of the guys, the lead guitarist, he said, I just want to find out how everyone's

doing. For me, I just want to take it all the way out. I'm going to fly right into the flame

and burn up.

None of us had any real response to that.

But then the lead guitarist turned to me and he said,

and how are you doing?

You seemed a little tentative up there. And I said, well, to be honest, it was like a nightmare,

and all I can think about is how to get out of this.

The band guys looked at me, and then one of them said,

I don't think it's supposed to feel like

that and I said yeah I've never been a very courageous person I'd planned to be but

I hadn't gotten started.

And this is something about having a child.

Suddenly there's someone watching everything you do,

everything you are.

It's a kind of physical physical psychological absorption that starts from the

moment they arrive. They know your habits of mind, the broken places you can't

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