Hi, my name is Robert Carro and I'm really cautiously optimistic about being old

kind of no Brian's friends.

Hello there and welcome to Conan O'Brien needs friend. This is the show where I very

desperately use the podcast format to make people be friendly to me for an hour at a time

and they usually get away. I'm joined by my assistant Sonoma of Sesson. You're my assistant

in real life, aren't you? I am your assistant in real life. Do you feel like you assist

me? Why do you always ask me these questions? Yes, I assist you. I am the only assistant

you have things happen and they happen because I assist you. Yes, okay, take it easy.

No, we do this all the time. You're shouting into a very sensitive microphone. I'm sorry.

If you're driving right now, I apologize for Sonoma's shriek. It's always like, hey, I'm

here with my assistant Sonoma. She sucks at her job. You do not. And then there's Matt.

No. It's got a beard. I could do your intro for you. I didn't get to Matt. Yes, Matt

Gourley, if that's even a real name. How are you, Matt? Good to see you. Good to see you.

Oh, come on. She's a little enthusiasm. I haven't gone after you yet. Well, I feel like

you're you're about to know I'm not. I've got my guard up. I got my shield up. You do the

own. I've never seen it's impressive. I've never seen headphones that are tweed before.

He has tweed headphones. Oh, my God. Pretty funny. Score one for Conan. It is pretty good.

I'll give you that one. That's pretty good. I thought you'd be on your best behavior

today. You know what? You'd think I would be on my best behavior because this is a very,

very, very special episode of Conan O'Brien needs a friend. I've been pursuing my next

guest for years, years and years and years. That sounds threatening. The New York Times

referred to this man as the white whale to my a-hab, which means he'll end up killing

...