Walking around, thinking about someone as the one that got away, but that person chose not to be with us, is a kind of delusion.

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So many situations simply fall into someone choosing not to make it work. I know you want to make it work, but I'm choosing not to.

Now, if someone's choosing not to, we have to ask why are they choosing not to?

Because in so many instances, someone is choosing not to make it work because they do not feel the same way about this relationship that we do.

They don't feel like this relationship is something that they're willing to do whatever it takes for. They don't feel that it's worth fighting for beyond the current circumstances.

And this is a painful thing for anyone to hear when we're hearing that what the other person didn't want to make it work as much as we did, but it's actually very powerful to hear that.

When we hear they didn't want to make it work as much as us, instead of there's this obstacle that has made it impossible for me and this person who was supposed to be together to be together,

when we hear that, that's a kind of existential, cosmic pain, what's supposed to be cannot be because of this obstacle, but instead if we orient our focus to the fact that someone has chosen not to be with us because the feelings aren't the same,

that can actually be an antidote to our heartbreak.

There was a line that I came across recently from a book called My Year of Rest and Relaxation, which I think is by Otesa Moshe,

I'm not sure if I'm saying that name correctly, so forgive me if I'm not.

The line was rejection I have found can be the only antidote to delusion.

I find that line particularly relevant in this situation because walking around thinking about someone as the one that got away but that person chose not to be with us is a kind of delusion.

And when we can process that this person didn't want to be with us or decided they couldn't be with us, not because circumstances were too difficult, but because they didn't feel the same way about the relationship as us, which doesn't mean they didn't have feelings,

it doesn't mean that at times the relationship wasn't important to them, it doesn't mean that you didn't have amazing moments together.

It means that your standard for sticking together is not one that they have themselves, that they are not willing to prize this relationship above the obstacle that is being experienced.

So there is a kind of delusion in thinking that this person is the one because the one would value the relationship on the same level you do.

They would stick it out in the same way that you would choose to.

When we can see what someone has done as a reflection of their feelings towards the relationship and us, instead of some kind of victim-like reaction to circumstances, it's actually easier to separate.

Because although it remains painful, although it can feel like a rejection, wow, they didn't feel the same way I did, that hurts on its own, that rejection is actually easier to bear than going through life, thinking that were it not for that obstacle we would be together because we are meant to be together.

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