This always happens. I show interest and they disappear. That would be to suggest that showing interest itself is

inherently unattractive

Hey everyone, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I think you're going to enjoy this clip. It's a classic from the archives. Check it out and don't forget if you can leave us a review.

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Well, let's talk about it, Steve, because you know, this idea that when I show interest, they they disappear. What is that?

Is that a thing? Is that a thing that is it illusion or is that a real thing that happens? You show someone in other people who get interest from someone and they are turned off by it.

Well, that's the question, isn't it? Is it just are we are we really saying here that it's just because this is a claim I think a lot of people make and they say this always happens. I show interest and they disappear.

That would be to suggest that it that showing interest itself is inherently unattractive. Right. And it would be hard to argue the truth of that statement.

It leads to those stalemates of no one dares wants to take one step forward or put themselves on the line because they think I'm going to lose the chess game if I show any interest. Right.

So I think we should almost break this down into what are the causes of someone losing interest once we show our interest. What categories could that phenomenon fall into?

I'd like to start and I'm wondering what you think of this, Steve, with a simple idea that some people are not looking for what you're looking for.

Or are unhealthy emotionally. Yes. So those are two separate things. They're not necessarily the same thing. But let's just start with those two things. What are your thoughts on those two, Steve?

Yes. I agree. So the first one may be that once you show a level of interest that freaks them out, they they realize, oh, I don't want to commit to this person this much.

I was attracted to them. I was having fun with them. I was enjoying dating, but they're really into me and they might be like, I'm back in off now because I've gone into deep or I don't want to go where this person's taking me.

I think that is a real phenomenon that happens to people. That's exactly right.

So you can't, you know, that that you can't put you can't make that a personal issue.

You just have to say some people are not ready for a real relationship. And that's why they're backing off when they realize that I am ready for a real relationship.

And we have to start seeing that as a positive, not negative.

That if I learn that someone doesn't want a real relationship and that makes them go away, well, how is I going to get them to stay by pretending I didn't want a real relationship. All that means is I'm deferring my hurt to some time down the road when I finally admit that I want more.

And then guess what? You're going to get the exact same answer, which is I'm scared. I don't want more. I wasn't I didn't sign up for this.

And the truth is about that guy is that he may have already felt that way from the very beginning of you dating. It's not that you brought it up and suddenly showed too much interest. And now he's like, I'm out. He may have never planned to take things further, but it's only because you prompted the conversations.

So in that sense, that he's now back and off.

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