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Love Life with Matthew Hussey

(Rewind): "What If He Changes For Someone Else?"

Love Life with Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

Relationships, Society & Culture

4.82.9K Ratings

🗓️ 28 April 2023

⏱️ 13 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Sometimes you have to let someone go because of the pain they bring to your life. But what if they seem to improve their behaviour with their next partner?!

It can be incredibly frustrating to see an ex who appears to be fixing their issues that previously drove you crazy now the relationship is over. You have an envy for their new partner who seems to be getting the best side of them.

How do you get over your feeling of resentment? And how do you stop worrying that his bad behaviour was somehow YOUR fault?

In this clip, Matt and Stephen discuss how to move on from the past and be free of resentment for your old relationship.

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Follow Matt @thematthewhussey
Follow Stephen @stephenhhussey

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

You are imagining that he's suddenly going to be an angel with the next person,

0:04.1

and there's some deep dark part of us that thinks that the reason he's going to be an angel with

0:10.0

the next person is because we weren't good enough.

0:30.9

Hey everybody, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life podcast. I am excited to share this clip

0:35.7

with you today. Let's get into it. So we have another email from Sue. She talks about a guy she's

0:44.8

been with who belittles her. She's sensitive about her height and he makes these comments where she

0:50.9

feels belittled and condescended to. He also talks about other women in a way that's inappropriate.

0:57.2

And she mentions at the end of her email how she feels frustrated that someone else is going to

1:04.4

have him and without the BS and it drives me crazy. So she's trying to let go of this guy,

1:12.2

but she, some people have said, well, I feel annoyed because what if I let go of this person

1:18.8

and they change for someone else? They're going to be a better person for someone else. And if they

1:24.9

just didn't have these couple of annoying traits or traits I'm embarrassed about or don't like,

1:31.4

then it would be great. And maybe they're going to be that great person for their next partner.

1:35.6

Well, that's an enormous, enormous assumption because you're saying that that person will have

1:43.8

completely evolved into a new human being, a much more enlightened version of themselves

1:52.5

by the time they reach the next relationship. And what, what signal did you get from him that

1:58.6

that that's true given that he did all these things? What evidence did he give you for the fact

2:03.7

that he's becoming more enlightened? Now, if what you're saying is he's going to find someone

2:11.1

he is more afraid of upsetting or he's going to find someone that I don't know, he's more deeply

2:19.4

attracted to and is going to behave around them. As a result, then really what you're saying is

2:27.6

this is someone who's well behaved only if they're afraid or if they're around someone that they

2:35.0

deemed to be of a certain status. Character is consistent. I don't want to be friends with the person

...

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