Repairing Self-Abandonment: Anxious Attachment, Healthy Boundaries, and Creating Strong Relationships

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Health & Fitness, Education, Self-improvement, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.4K Ratings

🗓️ 11 March 2024

⏱️ 70 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

On today’s episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore self-abandonment, which occurs when we go against our authentic wants, emotions, and boundaries in order to serve others, meet external expectations, or protect ourselves emotionally. They cover where self-abandonment comes from, the psychological function it serves, and the relationship between self-abandonment and similar concepts like anxious attachment, low self-worth, and external referencing. You’ll learn how to set healthy boundaries, stop neglecting yourself, and become more secure from the inside out. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:00: Common features of self-abandonment 12:30: Facing the fear of our authentic self being seen 16:05: Facing shame and self-criticism 21:00: Self-referencing vs. referencing ourselves in relation to others 33:10: The belief that safety feels more critical than authenticity 40:55: Our relationship to nature, and joining with the defense 50:55: Relationships, openness to change, and bringing parts into awareness 55:20: Cognitive restructuring, and redefining our self-abandoning beliefs 58:50: Recap Forrest is now writing on Substack, check out his work there. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Get your stand on with UPLIFT Desk! Go to UPLIFT Desk.com/BEINGWELL for 5% off your order of one of their fantastic standing desks or office products. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month! Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. Start each day right with IQBAR’s bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. Just text BEINGWELL to sixty-four thousand (64-000) and get an exclusive offer of 20% off plus free shipping. Connect with the show: Subscribe on iTunes Follow Forrest on YouTube Follow us on Instagram Follow Forrest on Instagram Follow Rick on Facebook Follow Forrest on Facebook Visit Forrest's website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and If you're new to the show, thanks for joining us today.
0:13.0	And if you've listened before, welcome back.
0:15.0	I'm joined today as usual by Dr. Rick Hansen,
0:18.0	Rick is a clinical psychologist, a best-selling author,
0:21.0	and he's also my dad.
0:22.0	So dad, how are you doing today? I'm pretty fired up and also I'm doing
0:27.2	what's always tied for first place with me as my favorite thing in a day. I always love talking to you too,
0:34.0	and like you I was really excited about this one.
0:37.0	Today we're going to be talking about self-abandement,
0:40.0	which occurs when we go against our authentic wants, emotions, and boundaries in order to serve others, meet external expectations, or protect ourselves emotionally.
0:49.4	And it's often part of a common family of issues that can include low self-worth, difficulties with setting
0:54.9	and maintaining boundaries, and maybe some overlap with more anxious models of attachment,
1:00.5	which I'm sure we'll be talking about a little bit today.
1:03.0	But I wanted to start, Dad, by just asking you,
1:05.0	how do you think about self-abandement?
1:07.0	I know that this was kind of a new term for you
1:09.0	when I introduced it to you.
1:11.0	It is a new term for me. For me it really touches something very deep about when we abandon ourselves in a very deep way we betray ourselves. All right. We let ourselves down and there are all kinds of reasons we do it.
1:28.0	It's quite poignant. It's really quite deep and it also gets to the whole kind of parts work territory for different
1:35.2	traditions, different places, the abandonment of the inner child and it kind of gets almost at loyalty.
1:41.7	You know, I think about the first chapter of my book Making Great Relationships, Be Loyal to
1:45.7	yourself, where you and I started and the resilient book, get on your own side.
	...

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