This is Hidden Brain, I'm Shankar Vedantam.

No matter how hard we try to avoid them, conflicts are everywhere.

Kids cobble over breakfast at the kitchen table.

Colleagues bigger in a team meeting.

Nations clash across the globe.

For many of us, our first impulse when it comes to conflict is to ask

how can I shut it down?

How can I resolve it?

This impulse makes sense.

Conflict is uncomfortable and unpleasant.

It produces hurt and animosity.

It can destroy relationships.

But sometimes, the roots of antagonism and anger are so deeply entrenched

that avoiding conflict isn't possible

and trying to reach a happy place of agreement and love isn't realistic.

Increasingly, psychological research is taking a different approach to discord

with profound implications for disputes big and small.

This week on Hidden Brain, we kick off a series that we are calling

Relationships 2.0.

Today, what if we set aside the goal of eliminating conflict and instead ask,

how can we do conflict better?

Think back to the last time you found yourself in an argument with someone.

...