This is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedantam. Have you ever been frustrated with someone who never

seems to change their behavior? You remind your partner, again, not to leave dirty dishes in the sink.

You've had this conversation before. Maybe you snap at them. Maybe you roll your eyes and do it

yourself. Or maybe you get frustrated and throw up your hands.

Or maybe it's your child who melts down in the middle of the grocery store

or a co-worker who fails to meet deadlines in spite of endless reminders.

No matter how many times we bring it up or how many strategies we try,

nothing gets them to change. Before long,

resentment sets in. The temptation is to push harder. More reminders, more rules, more consequences.

We tell ourselves they must be stubborn, defiant, oppositional.

This week on Hidden Brain,

research that explains why the techniques we use

to get people to change their behavior

are often strikingly ineffective.

And we look at better ways

to help the people we care about make lasting change.

It can be frustrating when people do things we don't want them to.

A friend cancels plans at the last minute.

A loud coworker dominates every meeting. A child refuses to get dressed for school.

What goes through our minds in those moments? And how do our mindsets affect our ability to influence others to change?

At Harvard Medical School, psychologist Stuart Ablon studies the science of helping people change.

Stuart Ablon, welcome to Hidden Brain.

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