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Let's roll, let's roll.

Never get their control.

They've got their money, but we've got our soul. Let's roll, let's roll, never get their money, but we've got our soul.

Welcome to Redacted tonight.

This is the comedy show where Americans in America covering American news are called foreign agents.

Tonight, let's turn to one of the news stories lost in the madness of our governmental chaos.

And that story is the secret reason our government is at war with Huawei, one of the biggest technology manufacturers in the

world. If you haven't heard of Huawei, it's been attacked endlessly in American media. But until

now, I didn't pay that much attention to it. I'm sorry. I had other shit to do, like watch the recent boxing match involving an elderly

Mike Tyson. Why is it that when an athlete is just barely past their prime, we fucking hate

them. We're yelling at the TV screen. Get off the field, you lose it! You're 38 years old! Get your

ass to a retirement! Where you belong!

Or when Mike Tyson was like 40 years old and getting his face kicked in, we were angry at him, right?

For even just trying. They were like, you jerk! I didn't tune in to see a rapist lose in the first 30 seconds. I tuned in to see a rapist bite

off the ear of another guy. I want my money back. So we hate past their prime athletes until

they're way past their prime. Then, like when they're in their 60s, we love them again.

We'd rather pay to see John McEnroe play Jimmy Connors today

...