Reclaiming the Power of Words, Identity, and Intimacy in a Hypersexualized Culture - w/ Tim Muehlhoff (Sex, Love, and God Series)

Voxology

Religion & Spirituality, Philosophy, Society & Culture

4.7 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 23 October 2017

⏱️ 82 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

How the Book of Song of Solomon redefines intimacy, communication, and self-worth in the noise of a synthetic, sex-saturated culture. In this honest and wide-ranging conversation, Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff draw from 17 years of teaching at Family Life Marriage Conferences to unpack how biblical wisdom radically challenges cultural narratives around sex, self-esteem, and relationships. Through a deep dive into Song of Solomon chapters 5 and 7, they explore how words shape not just our relationships with others, but our very identities—and how that truth can restore intimacy and security in marriage.

Key Takeaways:
• The Spoken Word as Sacred Power – In an age of endless tweets, texts, and reels, the biblical perspective insists that every word has eternal significance. “Reckless words,” Proverbs warns, “can break bones.”
• Unrealistic Cultural Expectations – From romance movies to diet culture, today’s media constantly distorts our understanding of beauty, value, and love—leaving many, especially women, wrestling with shame and inadequacy.
• A Common Sexual Illiteracy – Most adults weren't given healthy narratives or tools for talking about sex. As Tim humorously admits, “Everything I learned about sex came from the high school football team and pornography.”
• Song of Solomon’s Countercultural Beauty – Both the male and female voices in Song of Solomon affirm each other's beauty, not through comparison, but through cherishing language, dignity, and shared companionship—offering a radically liberating vision of sexuality.
• Self-Esteem and the Michelangelo Effect – You shape your partner. “You get the spouse you deserve—because you create them.” Speaking consistent, personal, life-giving truth to your spouse can literally sculpt their self-image over time.

Guest Highlights:
Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff – Marriage educators with Family Life and Bible professors at Biola University. Their dynamic, honest teaching unpacks cultural scripts, biblical truth, and the vulnerability of authentic communication in marriage.

Resources Mentioned:
• FamilyLife Marriage Conferences – familylife.com
• Song of Solomon Chapters 5 and 7 – Bible Gateway
• “Love Life” by Ed Wheat – Amazon Link
• “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman – Amazon Link
• Dove Campaign for Real Beauty / Evolution Video – YouTube
• Simply Romantic Nights – familylife.com Resource
• John Gottman's work on marriage and communication – gottman.com
• Dennis Rainey’s parenting resources – familylife.com
• “Hooked” by Joe S. McIlhaney Jr. and Freda McKissic Bush – Amazon Link

Join the conversation and let’s rethink how we talk about love, sex, and identity in a way shaped by grace, wisdom, and the beauty of God’s design. If this episode resonated with you, subscribe to the Voxology Podcast, leave us a review, and follow along on social media.

As always, we encourage and would love discussion as we pursue. Feel free to email in questions to [email protected], and to engage the conversation on Facebook and Instagram.

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Support the Voxology Podcast on Patreon

The Voxology Spotify channel can be found here: Voxology Radio

Follow Mike on Twitter: @mikeerre

Music in this episode by Timothy John Stafford

Instagram & Twitter: @GoneTimothy

As always, we encourage and would love discussion as we pursue. Feel free to email in questions to [email protected], and to engage the conversation on Facebook and Instagram.

We're on YouTube (if you're into that kinda thing): VOXOLOGY TV.

Our Merch Store! ETSY

Learn more about the Voxology Podcast

Subscribe on iTunes or Spotify

Support the Voxology Podcast on Patreon

The Voxology Spotify channel can be found here: Voxology Radio

Follow Mike on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mikeerre

Music in this episode by Timothy John Stafford

Instagram & Twitter: @GoneTimothy

Transcript

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0:00.0	We very seldom call up our friends and say, hey, come on over Saturday night, let's talk about sex.
0:18.8	Okay, we just, that's not usually how we do then.
0:21.6	But I was doing the sex talk at the Family Life Marriage Conference,
0:25.6	and we were talking about the need to have the sex talk with your kids.
0:28.6	That it's incredibly important to do that if you're married and have kids.
0:32.6	And I spontaneously just said to the audience, it was about a thousand people.
0:36.6	I said, men, how many of you growing up had the sex talk?
0:42.3	Somebody gave you the talk.
0:43.3	Your dad sat down with you and just kind of gave it to you.
0:47.3	20 out of 500 men, less than 20 men raised their hand.
0:52.3	There was an audible gasp from the audience. So let me ask
0:57.0	you this question. Men, how many of you, your dad sat down with you, your mom sat down with
1:02.0	you and gave you the sex talk? Raise your hands. Look around. Wow, that's really good,
1:08.0	but I bet you were looking at maybe 25 people. Ladies, how many of you?
1:12.8	Somebody sat down and had the sex talk with you, your mom or your dad. Show hands. Yeah, it's usually
1:17.4	higher with the women, isn't it? Now, why is that true that it's not everybody? I think we really
1:23.2	lack confidence. I think we lack a script. My parents didn't have the sex talk with me. Everything
1:28.3	I learned about sex came from the collective wisdom of the high school football team and pornography.
1:35.3	That's where everything I learned about sex and had to be reprogrammed when I finally got married.
1:41.3	So here's what I want to do tonight. My wife's going to join me in a little bit,
1:45.2	but we would like to talk about the top three observations we've made having spoken at family
1:51.2	life marriage conferences for 17 years. What are the things that we've seen that we need to deal with
	...

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