You and I have talked a little bit in the past about I think you call it like the beast

like the beast inside of you and I'm wondering man turning the beast on and off what is that

and tell and like can you talk about that a little bit. Yeah you know it's if you're going to

or potentially going to inflict extreme violence against other human beings there has to be a

very aggressive side of yourself akin to without the aggression of your brother. I have the surgical

tools in my hand it is my duty to save this person's life I have to perform right now right he's

removing a cancer not to dehumanize the enemy but in the same token that ideology is a cancer I have

to remove that cancer right I have to apply a scalpel to that not a big old sledgehammer right I'm

not going to create a big wide swath of a mess here but I have to apply that and one tool is

aggression right but if that's sustained for too long that's going to damage the human being

you know what I mean so being able to turn that off and re-center yourself is something I think

that the individuals have to discover is what tools do you use to turn the human. What do you use?

Initially initially it was nature you know spending a lot of time with the ocean underwater spear fishing

or diving it was complete silence I could feel like I was flying through the kelp forest

surfing I found a lot of peace with family and friends at the kitchen in the kitchen preparing food

and having that community even though I didn't feel as necessarily close to my own family as I

did to my teammates at the time because of the experiences I had and then just knowing that at some

point what I was trying to do wasn't working and by making myself vulnerable to other people that

could help me navigate you know where I was in my life and opening myself to receive care and help

was transformative it was through other human beings that invested in veterans and different

veterans group and law enforcement and firefighters that had experienced a tremendous amount of

trauma in their lives and having those shared experiences with those groups was incredible I got

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