Rape Self-Blame, Vitiligo, Emotional Masochism, and Dissociation
Psychology In Seattle Podcast
Kirk Honda
4.6 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 8 November 2019
⏱️ 25 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Become a patron of our podcast by going to https://www.patreon.com/PsychologyInSeattle
Email: https://psychologyinseattle.squarespace.com/contact
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast.
November 8, 2019.
Access archive at: https://psychologyinseattle.squarespace.com
Music by Bread Knife Incident.
This content is for educational and informational purposes only. Although Kirk Honda is a licensed marriage and family therapist, this content is not a replacement for proper mental health treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your mental health needs.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey Deservyn listeners, today I'm going to answer patron emails. |
| 0:03.5 | This first email is from an anonymous patron. |
| 0:07.3 | She writes, I am an extremely controlled emotionally absent human being with an overactive nervous system. |
| 0:18.0 | I developed a habit of finding strangers on the internet to have sex with which would send me into a dissociative |
| 0:25.1 | state where I no longer had to feel anything. |
| 0:29.2 | The more I did this, the more I discovered that certain things made me dissociate stronger. |
| 0:35.6 | I'm basically two distinctly different people, completely separate. |
| 0:40.8 | I like particularly violent interactions. I like impact, particularly violent interactions, I like impact, I like being hit, and I discovered |
| 0:48.0 | that if an encounter was intense enough, there was a pivotal moment where I could totally release myself and sob uncontrollably. |
| 0:58.9 | It was like in that moment my two cells were coming back together and the reality of what was happening was |
| 1:04.8 | overwhelming. I know this sounds a lot like BDSM, bondage and submission, but it's not the same. I look for dominant types, DOM types, because they understand |
| 1:18.3 | the impact I'm looking for. But when I'm with them, they can tell something is not normal about me. |
| 1:24.0 | My therapist thinks I'm retraimatizing myself with these encounters. |
| 1:29.0 | What I would really like is to find a therapist who could use physical compression or impact or touch |
| 1:36.6 | to help me get to the emotional place without subjecting myself to these unpredictable |
| 1:41.9 | encounters with strangers. |
| 1:44.5 | 10 out of 10 therapists I've contacted will not agree to any such kind of touch at all. |
| 1:52.1 | Is this a real thing, impact for a therapeutic benefit? Can a therapist |
| 1:56.8 | touch a client? Are they out there? Is my language even correct? Is there a way to describe what I need in order to get what I'm looking for when I talk to therapists? |
| 2:08.8 | I don't want mindfulness, I don't want to do breath work, I don't want to just talk about it, I don't want to do breath work I don't want to just talk about it. I don't want a massage |
| 2:15.2 | therapist I want a mental health clinician who can use my physical body to break down my |
| 2:22.0 | impenetrable emotional barrier. |
... |
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