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Hello, my dearest listener, and thank you for steering the skiff of your mind into the glowing phosphorescent waters of the lagoon that is the

Duncan trussle family hour podcast look we all know that it's only a matter of time before the

san andrea's fault cracks open and robotic super intelligent spiders come skittering across

California blasting fiery beams of flesh disintegrating light into anyone who crosses their paths.

We know that it's only a matter of time before somewhere in some laboratory at Google, a swarm of nanobots escapes and runs amok through our sweet planet Earth,

reconfiguring us at the atomic level and transforming us from human beings into quivering

cubes of multi-eyeballed screaming bits of plasmatic goo.

And before this happens, many of us are probably going to get

arrested and fisted by Jeff Sessions in his own personal, deluxe private prison cell where he shows up

from time to time when he needs to blow off steam from a hard day of making plants illegal and just

relax.

And somebody like Jeff Sessions, all you've got to do is spend a few seconds looking at any picture of him to know that that guy has got a leather body suit that he keeps in a secret

closet in his office in Washington.

And at the end of the day, he zips that thing on, squeezes a butt

plug underneath his desk, and a set of stairs opens up in the wall, which he descends. And there

he has a torture room filled with imprisoned farmers who he fists all night long while whispering strange southern sayings

in their ears. Oh, you know, sometimes when the bird egg cracks, the birdie flies,

but sometimes when the cracks stays shut, the birdie dies. These people hate Mother Earth

friends and they're doing everything they can to keep us sick. But the good news is this. Existing in this

world as a kind of reflection to the Jeff Sessions and Trumps and all the other weird doughy men out there

...