Mother, is Maxwell House really the only copy in the world?

Well, your father says so, and your father knows best.

Yes, its father knows best, transcribed in Hollywood,

starring Robert Young as father,

a half-hour visit with your new neighbors, the Anderson's,

brought to you by Maxwell House.

The coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people

than any other brand of coffee at any price.

Maxwell House always good to the last drop.

In every family, there are special days.

Days which though simple will live forever in our memories.

There's the day Junior had his first haircut,

the day Dad backed into the garage door,

or the day Mother didn't back into the garage door.

In Springfield, in the White Frame House on Maple Street,

its dinner time, and one of those days is in the making.

It will be known as long as an Anderson remains

as the day Father received the Christmas bills, like this.

It's outrageous. That's what it is.

The most outrageous thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

Pass the potatoes to your father, Betty.

Yes, Mother. The date is father.

...