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Every morning I wake up to 100 punishments, each worse than the last, all so that I can bring you the greatest podcast of all time.

I'm Ed Zittron, and this is better offline.

Yeah. I'm Ed Zittron and this is Better Offline. Better Offline. Now that we've got that out of the way, we've got many new items in the Better Offline merch store, go and buy them. There's a zip hoodie, which I fucking love, and a wordmark shirt, and there's a hat. It's lovely. You can also get infant clothing. I think, like, if you put that on a baby, though, they will take the baby from you. Anyway, so today I'm joined by the incredible Pablo Torre of Pablo Tori finds out, and David Roth of Defector, co-owner of Defector and a turtle, I believe.

Yes, I do. I am the co-owner of a turtle. What's the turtle's name?

Turtle's name is Marvin. Marvin. And he is, well, it was a pair of turtles, but Marvin is the

surviving turtle. Oh. Yeah. It's fine. He had the other guy had a good long life. George had a good long life. Okay. And something you don't learn when a man sells you a turtle out of a bucket of drywall on Canal Street is they live on. Oh, you got a Chinatown turtle. Yeah, I got a Chinatown turtle on an impulse 24 years ago. Oh, wow. So you've had them a while. Yeah, they live forever. Like the people that, the vets that treat them are also the vets that treat birds. And the lady that when I took Marvin to the vet because he'd been eating parts of the tank, I was told, I was told this was normal that they, it happens. Whatever is around goes in. And then it stays there until such time as he starts acting alarmingly enough that you take him to the vet. She also treats birds. And she was like, yeah, this is a thing with your pets that are basically dinosaurs is that if left to their own devices, they will live for as long as their owners. Yeah. Yeah. Which is cool to think about for the rest of my life.

I got this little pet. I mean, he doesn't like me. Like, that's pretty plain. Do they show affection? No, I mean, no. Like, it would be hard to tell. Like, if I pick him up and, like, you know, give him some pets on his shell or whatever. Does he appreciate your Bernie Sanders? I do communicate with him in a series of accents.

Yeah, it's not a lot of...

He responds well to Bernie. I am once again asking that you eat this piece of radicchio, I lowered it into your tank. Yeah, he... Well, I guess that is how he responds to it. It's by eating the piece of radicchio that I've lowered into his tank. He loves chickeries in. What's chicory? Any kind of chickeries. You know, your cabbages. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I know what I'm talking about. This is a tech podcast. I'm mostly here to throw Bernie Zander's cues and cabbage references back and forth with Rob. And that's what we're talking about today. So both of you guys are

some of the most gifted sports broadcasters and writers I've ever met. I'm not blowing smoke.

I don't give freebies. But I think both of you have also done something really incredible with like the

format in the sense that it's not like it's about sports in so much as sports is part of the

world and culture itself even and pablo you're like jordan hudson thing and the bill bellichick stuff

that was fascinating to me despite honestly wanting to know less about bill bellichick as the former

and the many non-sports i love the disclosures here yeah yeah the many non Yeah. The many non-sports listen is going to say, a sports episode, how dare you?

Oh, my God, do you want to hear me fucking talk about Kevin Ruse again? I'll do it in like one day. I'll probably do it on this podcast. You're already doing it. I'm already doing it. But it's fascinating because it's not. I don't need to underline that I could give you 90 minutes on the turtle.

We already know that that's true.

So that threat will hang over the rest of this podcast.

Oh, I'm getting emails asking about more. Fascinating because it's not... I don't need to underline that I could give you 90 minutes on the turtle. We already know that that's true.

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