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Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Quickie w/Yue: What I Learned When I Stopped Being Proud of Being Intimidating

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Sexuality, Social Sciences, Relationships, Science, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7910 Ratings

🗓️ 25 January 2026

⏱️ 13 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

With the throwback to 2016 trend, Yue reflected back to what she was like during that time when dating. As someone who was often told she was "intimidating", she shares how she used to view this as a badge of honor and as a way to attract men, but now realizes it was code for being emotionally unavailable and attracting all the wrong types of people. She shares why this actually held her back in dating, the shifts she made, and why she wants to be viewed as open and available instead. Enjoy! 🧠 Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ 📖 Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ 🤖Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

We talk a lot on Datable about being present in dating, but let's be real. That's hard when your phone

0:06.0

is basically a third wheel. Enter Brick. Brick is a simple device that helps you put your phone down

0:11.7

when you actually want to be in the moment. You just pair your phone to Brick and it locks you out

0:17.0

of distracting apps and suddenly you're not doom scrolling while your date is telling a story

0:21.7

about their childhood dog. Whether you're on a first date, having a real conversation, or just

0:26.6

trying to stop checking your phone every 30 seconds, Brick creates boundaries with your tech without

0:31.8

asking you to delete everything or go full digital detox. Dating is about connection, not notifications. So if you want to be

0:39.4

more present and honestly more attractive, check out BRIC. Go to getbrick.com slash datable to get 10%

0:47.7

off. That's get brick.com slash d-A-B-L-E to get 10% off.

0:55.5

Getting dressed should not be this hard, but somehow it is.

0:59.0

And that's why I love armoire, because armoire makes getting dressed easy with a clothing

1:03.5

rental membership that helps you build the perfect wardrobe with high-quality, unique

1:08.1

brands picked just for you.

1:09.8

You just take a quick five-minute style quiz,

1:12.2

choose from your personalized closet, and your pieces show up at your door in as little as two days.

1:17.2

I've been using Armour a lot when I traveled. And I'm heading to the East Coast soon. And instead of

1:22.0

buying coats and sweaters, I'll never wear in L.A., I rented the cutest ones armoire. And the hot tip is I get them

1:28.4

delivered to the hotel, so I don't have to carry them in my luggage. It's also my favorite

1:33.1

way to test new styles without committing or cluttering my closet. I love that I always have

1:38.0

something new to wear, without the decision fatigue, and without feeling guilty about

1:42.2

wearing something once. Right now, datable listeners can give

1:45.6

Armour a try and get up to 60% off their first month. That's up to $150 off. Just visit

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