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Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Quickie w/ Julie: What Relational Intelligence Looks Like In Early Dating

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Sexuality, Social Sciences, Relationships, Science, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.7910 Ratings

🗓️ 18 January 2026

⏱️ 10 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We talk about the need for emotional intelligence all the time, but what about relational intelligence? In many ways, it's as important or if not more! In today's episode, Julie's taking about the 5 stages of Relational Intelligence and how to put them into motion when applied to the common dating scenario of someone you're into not texting or setting up plans as quickly as you'd like. Julie shares why regulating before you act is so important, the type of text you can send to get the clarity you need, and how to move forward with this information. Enjoy! Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Download the Dateable AI Coaching App: https://studio.com/dateable HOW TO BE DATEABLE IS OUT! Order now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcast Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0

Dating is hard. Navigating a system that never taught relational intelligence. In today's world,

0:07.3

connecting to others feels more difficult than ever. But in this short episode, I'm going to help

0:13.3

you change this. So first off, what is relational intelligence and why is it so important?

0:19.8

Relational intelligence is the skill of effectively

0:22.6

connecting with others, building trust, and nurturing strong lasting relationships.

0:28.7

We talk about the need for emotional intelligence all the time, but relational intelligence

0:33.9

takes this one step further by focusing on the actual application in relationships.

0:40.4

We did a recent post about the five stages of relational intelligence in dating on our

0:46.6

Instagram at datable podcast for anyone who's not following us. I wanted to walk through an example

0:52.8

in early dating to show this in motion and how you can

0:57.3

really increase your RQ to navigate dating situations with less anxiety and more clarity and

1:04.7

direction. So here's the scenario. You've been on a few great dates with someone where the chemistry feels mutual.

1:12.8

They text, but slowly, who's been here, many of you.

1:17.0

And days pass without them setting up the next date.

1:21.6

Your anxiety starts whispering.

1:23.8

Am I overthinking?

1:25.1

Should I wait?

1:26.4

What if I ruin it by saying something?

1:29.6

So let's get into stage one, self-awareness. This is my pattern. We're identifying what's

1:37.9

happening internally. You notice your thoughts spiraling. You keep checking your phone, you're mentally drafting texts

1:45.8

that you don't send. Instead of judging yourself, you can name it. I get anxious when communication

1:52.4

is inconsistent. For me, this was huge when I was dating and being able to just acknowledge it

...

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