Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about open-ended questions to ask on a date. So you're on a date and just getting to know each other, and you've gone through all the superficial things people on dates talk about.

Your hobbies, you're incredibly adorable dog, and they're equally beautiful cat, what kinds of food you like, movies you love, and vacations you've gone on.

But really getting to know a person goes much deeper than where they grew up in their

favorite band. What about their inner world? What do they want out of their life? What are their

goals and dreams? The thing is, you don't have to wait for a commitment to ask these questions.

Meaningful conversations can start as soon as your very next date. And it's these conversations that can set

the foundation for a love that can last a lifetime. But remember, the questions must be open-ended,

which means they can't be answered with a simple yes or no. They need to be worded in a way so that

your date gives you a more detailed answer. Also, remember that

certain questions may not be appropriate for the first time you meet. Here are a few subjects

to consider to be used at different times throughout the dating process. Trust is a huge issue

in any relationship. But how we each define it can be totally different. So you might ask your date,

what does trust mean to you? Maybe they'll say it means loyalty, or having each other's back,

or that you feel safe both physically and emotionally. This conversation can open up a meaningful

discussion about how you each would navigate through trust in a relationship when there were misunderstandings or expectations weren't met.

Another important issue that can majorly impact a relationship is how each person handles conflict, and much of that is learned in childhood.

So maybe ask, how was conflict handled in your family growing up?

Maybe their family dealt with conflict quickly, discussing any issues before they got out of hand,

while your family pushed conflict down and avoided it at all costs.

Whatever the backgrounds of you both, this question can open a conversation about how you both

handle conflict in your relationship. Another subject that's crucial in a relationship is money.

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