Do you worry about finding the balance between forcing your kid to keep doing activities that are good for them (that you already paid for) and not letting them be miserable all the time? How do you keep them on track academically without having to run flashcards with them about the Peloponnesian War for the billionth time? Here's what the research says about when to push our kids - and when to let sleeping (Peloponnesian) dogs lie. A listener in our Facebook group asks: "How do you decide when to push your kids? Like when to go from YMCA basketball to the travel team. Or when to go from regular school to the accelerated program, or the private school that's more rigorous. When to apply for the stretch school or the internship? We don't want to ruin hobbies or turn the stress up to 11, obviously. So how do you know which knob to turn and when to turn it so that their ambition, their ability, and their achievement all line up in perfect balance and harmony?" Amy and Margaret discuss: The “optimal push” and how it's different from over-parenting Achievement-by-proxy distortion (sing out, Louise!) The factors to consider when pushing your child to do something Ultimately, kids are optimally supported when they believe their parents’ love is not performance-contingent. The answer lies in helping them fulfill their potential without damaging their self-esteem. LINKS! Amy Wilson for New York Family: Finding the Optimal Push Our episode "How Not To Live Through Our Kids" Dr. Eddie Brummelman et al: My Child Redeems My Broken Dreams: On Parents Transferring Their Unfulfilled Ambitions onto Their Child Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.  Hello Fresh is America’s #1 Meal Kit. Go to HelloFresh.com/wfhpod65 and use code wfhpod65 for 65% off plus free shipping! Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements. Visit indeed.com/LAUGHING to start hiring now. Terms and conditions apply. You can try Peloton Tread risk-free with a 30-day home trial. New members only. Not available in remote locations. See additional terms at onepeloton.com/home-trial. Rakuten is an online shopping platform that gives you cash back when you shop at thousands of stores. Start shopping at rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today. Ritual’s Essential for Women 18+ is a multivitamin you can actually trust. Visit ritual.com/laughing to get 10% off during your first 3 months. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices