They say history is written by the winners, but it is kept alive by losers.

Boring people with sad lives and body odour, National Trust employees are, in a way, their own kind of ruin.

Much like this 12th century abbey, their genitals have long since been abandoned, and now lie crumbling to be visited only by the very ugly.

Excuse me? But if history is written by the winners, who is history written for?

Well the answer is obviously men.

Not you. Go away!

Women of course have fiction, novels, but that's not for men.

Why should I care about some made-up horny Irish people?

History is about so much more than looking around a ship building staffed by sexless fatties.

Mooring.

What are you still doing here?

History can get the blood pumping, things like tank battles, amphibious landings, the exploitation of indigenous communities. This is history that gets a man rock hard when we talk about things like tank battles, amphibious landings, the exploitation of indigenous communities.

This is history that gets a man rock hard when we talk about things like slavery, war crimes or genocides.

At high time we realise that not all history is created equal.

And that's why I'm delighted to announce that my first book,

The History of Mankind in its entirety, brackets abridged, an unsupervised PhD

is available now to pre-order in hardback or audiobook if you're thick.

Wait, have you got permission to film here?

Some follow the noise. Bloomberg follows the money.

Because behind every headline is a bottom line.

Whether it's the funds fueling AI or crypto's trillion dollar swings,

there's a money side to every story.

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