Prof. Pastemack Sez You're Not Graduating
Elvis Duran and the Morning Show ON DEMAND
Elvis Duran Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts
4.7 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 6 May 2026
⏱️ 4 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Skeery pretends he's a professor and phone taps a girl's mom and gives her the awful news her daughter isn't graduating
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. |
| 0:02.6 | Guaranteed human. |
| 0:04.6 | Don't answer the phone, Elvis Duran. |
| 0:07.1 | The Elvis Duran phone tap. |
| 0:09.3 | All right, Jessica, say good morning to Skiri. |
| 0:11.7 | Hey, scary. |
| 0:12.7 | You want to play his phone tap on your mom? |
| 0:15.3 | Absolutely, because she's so paranoid about my grades and about school, |
| 0:23.4 | that I just think it would be great just to screw with her with this. |
| 0:28.9 | She knows that you're on the dean's list, an honors student, and you're graduating all the way this semester. |
| 0:30.1 | Absolutely, yes. |
| 0:34.8 | So how about we put a crimping those plans and tell her that you're missing a couple of credits? |
| 0:36.0 | That's great. |
| 0:37.2 | Here we go. I'll start. May I help you? Oh, yes. I'm looking for Marie Alexander, please. Yes, this is she. Hi, how are you? My name is Professor Pasternak, here at this in Arifeneas College. Yes. Your daughter is supposed to be graduating with 128 credits. Right. She fell three credits short. Are you aware of this? |
| 0:57.2 | She did call someone last week from the house. She spoke to a gentleman and he said that she had made up |
| 1:05.6 | the three credits. Okay. I have no record of that, but there's no way she could march in June. |
| 1:11.4 | Oh, I am so upset. You have no idea. We have, we have a hall for the graduation and everything. |
| 1:20.1 | That's jumping the gun a little bit. You could have a celebration anyway. |
| 1:24.6 | Let me try to get in contact with her. Okay, yes. Thank you. Yeah. Don't answer the phone, okay? Oh, she's calling me right now. I'm gonna call her right back. Okay. Can I help you? Did you just call me? Yeah. Professor Pasternak? Uh-huh. Well, he just called me to tell me you're not graduating college. Okay. I didn't want to tell you just yet. And I didn't think they'd call you so fast. Well, what are you going to do, Jessica? I just, I was going to take it in the summer. Jessica, we have a whore. We have everything. I felt like an idiot. This man just called me. I'm mortified. Oh, my God. |
| 2:03.6 | I think you should have stayed home once in a while and did the papers the way you're supposed to do them. |
| 2:08.6 | And I wouldn't be getting phone calls like this at work. |
| 2:11.6 | Are you mad at me? |
... |
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