Prioritize Relationship Over Performance
Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast
Focus on the Family
4.4 • 1.1K Ratings
🗓️ 9 June 2026
⏱️ 15 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Rules are good, but when you emphasize them too much, it's not healthy for your relationship. John and Danny discuss how they've learned too many guidelines in parenting isn't a good thing. Then, Jim Daly and Dr. Randy Schroeder explain why we need to focus more on the relationship with our kids than on rules.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Being a dad isn't always easy, but it's one of life's greatest callings. In a new seasonal podcast |
| 0:06.2 | from Focus on the Family, Legacy of Courage, we inspire fathers with real stories from dads in |
| 0:12.3 | every stage of parenting. You'll hear episodes about parenting with discipline and consistency |
| 0:17.5 | and reflections on those funny, tender moments we all experience. You'll hear how |
| 0:22.7 | you can build a lasting legacy of faith when you listen to Legacy of Courage. You'll find it at |
| 0:28.1 | Celebratingfathers.com. Okay, it's confession time. I am a rule-following parent. I just, |
| 0:40.2 | I'm firstborn. I'm wired to go by the rules. And as a parent, I am a rule-following parent. I just, I'm a firstborn, I'm wired to go by the rules, and as a parent, I established the rules, and I expected compliance. So today's show is |
| 0:45.9 | kind of a belated intervention. I'm John Fuller, joining the studio by Dr. Danny |
| 0:50.6 | who heads up our parenting team. And Danny, I fear that I put a big emphasis on the |
| 0:56.2 | rules. I've tried to course correct. And I think I've done an okay job. But it's so easy to set |
| 1:01.7 | rules and expect kids to follow them even when they're four or five. And they're not inclined to |
| 1:06.6 | follow any rules when they're four or five. They're just, there's just little kids. So help me. |
| 1:12.0 | I'm in your counseling office. Give me some, give me some stuff to do here. Or not do, actually. |
| 1:16.8 | Is this the intervention? Yeah, this is the intervention. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, I mean, |
| 1:21.1 | there's a temptation to go to rules because there's a fear of losing control. And rules are all based on needing to have |
| 1:29.3 | control and structure. So there's a balance to it. Structure is very healthy for kids. |
| 1:35.3 | Overstructured begins to create a very limiting environment for a child where they don't get to |
| 1:40.5 | learn autonomy. They don't learn how to repair things when they make mistakes or when they do something wrong. |
| 1:46.8 | Learning how to navigate relationship because it's not about perfection or full structure. |
| 1:51.7 | It's about being able to think outside the box and be creative within the space that you're |
| 1:56.0 | given. |
| 1:57.2 | And so with kids, what I've noticed is either they've gone the anxious route or the hateful route when they've had too many rules. |
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