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I know. I know. I know. It's hard to believe I'm even real.

Good evening, everyone.

So police say a woman posed as a New York City high school student when she was actually

28 years old. Authorities almost missed it as most New York City high school students are 28 years

old. But evidently, teachers became suspicious when they didn't find her sexually attractive.

Yeah.

Jeffrey Epstein's suicide note has been released.

On one side, it says, not worth it.

On the other side, there's a to-do list that says, one, buy pantsuit,

two, kill Jeffrey Epstein. A powerful 5.7 magnitude earthquake struck Mexico. It was so strong,

the country split open and candy spilled out.

Actor Mark Hamill appeared in a Star Wars themed promo for Obama's presidential library.

Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Make sense.

Neither Luke nor Barack knew their fathers.

Yeah.

Three people are dead, and many others are sick after suspected haunt of virus outbreak

...