This is your captain speaking. We're almost ready for take off. So please make sure your seats are back. Your tray tables are closed and your hand luggage is safely secured.

The weather today is fair with low headwinds, clear skies, and a minor chance of total depressurization.

So to give you an idea of our course, we'll be heading up and out of British airspace

and then flying into some YouTube stories before banking into a numbers segment,

and then making a brief passage through a patch of true YouTube facts,

and then we'll begin our descent into Funsville at around 0,8, 2,400 local times.

So we hope to try and carry out that landing with both wings intact, if possible.

So sit back, relax, and once again, we thank you for flying YouTuber News Airlines.

Let's get on with the flight.

And I want to hear that producer Joe tag.

It's producer Joe, Joe, Joe.

Yes, welcome back everybody to YouTube News, the podcast.

It's me, Benedict Townsend.

Who else would it be?

There's no one else here.

No one else. Here on this lone island where I record the show. Oh, it's a hell of a life. An emphasis on hell. I live here alone in this rotting castle on this Mediterranean island. My only company, the many beautiful flora and fauna that live here on the island, the only thing I have to eat,

the beautiful fruit that appears on the trees, and of course the wonderful seafood that the dolphins bring me every morning.

Oh, it's a hell life. It's an awful life. The only company I have is the many beautiful mermaids that swim up

every afternoon to hear my stories of the great land. And the only thing that keeps me warm at night is the many fluffy bunnies and puppies that also live here, and snuggle up to me, forming a kind of living, breathing blanket.

Oh, it's a terrible, terrible life. Oh, I miss the land. I miss Bebo. I miss Nintendogues. I miss all the modern comforts.

And when I'm lying in my hammock that was built for me by

little nightingales and robins and starlings, in a snow-white type fashion while we all sang a song,

...