Welcome to another exciting edition of Plank of the Week. Here we are at the London Bridge

headquarters of Talk Radio TV and I'm delighted to say I'm joined by two stalwarts of Plank of the

week. First of all, Dawn Niesham, newspaper columnist, television star, star of stage and screen,

former editor, all of that. Dave Chawner, comedian, token lefty from time to time on talk radio. Dawn, why don't you

kick us off with your first nomination? All the people that don't understand what the word

alert means. It's amazing how many people, well-educated people, didn't quite understand what

stay alert meant and have gone out of their way to ask the most ridiculous questions

about what they can and can't do. They don't want a roadmap. They want a sat-nab grid reference.

They want the government to run their lives. Yes. Go and live in North Korea. That's what you

want. Well, I mean, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised that people as intelligent as Sir Keir Stama, QC, nonetheless, even can't work out what alert means because this is a guy who has to ask a photographer if it's all right if he brings his daughter back from across the road because he's finished filming him doing something. I mean, Kirstein was meant to be a clever bloke. You know, I know you're a supporter of his, Dave, but I mean, he doesn't know what alert means. I don't think I'd

fancy having him as my barrister. I don't like, I just think that the implications are so odd.

Like, why do we need to change it for you don't have to stay at home you can now go out

and meet people but you just have to be alert alert for what well just to make sure that you're

adhering to the social distancing that people are asking you to do to make sure that you don't return

to the awfully bad habits of kissing strangers in bars because you've had a few too many and basically making

sure that you behave yourself in a way which is becoming of somebody in the midst of a bloody

worldwide pandemic.

Mate, I would love to kiss strangers in bars. I don't think my girlfriend would, but I would love

that. Well, that's what you think.

Anyway, listen, I think you're absolutely right, Dawn,

because there's an awful lot of them.

But isn't it strange how almost all the people

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