People Pleasing & ADHD: When "Yes" is a Nervous-System Response and How to Stop with Anita Sandoval, LPC - EP 555

ADHD reWired

Eric Tivers, LCSW, ADHD-CCSP

Education, Productivity, Self, Calendar, Function, Podcast, Brain, Adhdcoach, Hyperactivity, Accountability, Deficit, Goals, Disorder, Chadd, Health & Fitness, Therapy, Cognitive, Tech, Rewired, Expert, Medication, Coaching, Success, Adult, Clinical, Psychology, Consulting, Health, Mental, Mind, Specialties, Tivers, Gtd, Time, Executive, Gadgets, Mentalhealth, Adhd, Apps, Add, Treatment, Behavior, Executivefunction, Adda, Attention, Focus, Help, Learn, Strategies, Counseling, Cbt, Mental Health, Grow, Improve, Tips, Addcoach

4.7 • 919 Ratings

🗓️ 11 August 2025

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

People-pleasing isn’t a personality flaw—often it’s a nervous-system strategy. Licensed Professional Counselor and ADHD-CCSP Anita Sandoval joins Eric to unpack how the fawn response shows up with ADHD, trauma, and RSD; how it differs from masking and conflict avoidance; and what real change looks like. We cover Anita’s “Empower → Resilient → Authentic” model, ADHD-friendly EMDR adaptations, and the messy-but-worth-it work of boundaries (including with narcissistic family dynamics). Resources, Anita’s links, and a quick survey about a potential evening coaching group are in the full notes at ADHDreWired.com. Guest: Anita Sandoval, LPC-S, EMDR-Certified, ADHD-CCSP — therapist, supervisor, and author of Broken Chains (English & Spanish). Host of Empowering Women in Conversations and creator of Empower Her Pathways. We cover: People-pleasing as a neuro-adaptive response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn) People-pleasing vs. conflict avoidance vs. masking ADHD & RSD: why “neutral” feedback stings and how regulation shifts it Differentiating from personality disorders (dependent/BPD) Hypervigilance, ACEs, and emotional regulation circuits Boundaries with narcissistic dynamics (including the “victim narcissist” pattern) Anita’s staged model (Stages of Change × grief work): Unaware → Aware → Ready → Action → Maintenance → Integration (Empowered → Resilient → Authentic) Therapies that help ADHD brains: EMDR with resourcing, IFS/parts work, polyvagal-informed regulation Eric’s EMDR story: from trigger spirals to co-regulation Try this: Notice your next automatic “yes.” Ask: Is this aligned with my values, or is my nervous system chasing safety? Then practice one tiny boundary this week and track before/during/after. Resources mentioned: Anita Sandoval — (course: Empower Her Pathways) Broken Chains (English/Spanish) Dr. Ramani’s work on narcissism (Should I Stay or Should I Go?) Modalities: EMDR, IFS/Parts, Polyvagal-informed approaches Coaching & community: Evening Coaching Group — interest survey We’re exploring a fall evening section (proposed Wed, Sept 18 • 5pm PT / 8pm ET) led by ADHD reWired Coach & LCSW Kristin Marts, at a budget-friendly rate (starting at $999) if we move forward. Deadline to weigh in: Aug 15. Take the short survey at . Complete the survey to enter to win 6 months free in our Alumni community ($240 value) or 1 year free of Adult Study Hall ($240 value). Adult Study Hall (ASH) — virtual co-working & body doubling. Free 1-week trial, then $19.99/mo or $150/yr at . Connect with Anita: | Podcast: Empowering Women in Conversations

Transcript

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0:00.0	ADHD Rewired episode 555.
0:04.0	Since 2014, this has been the podcast for ADHD adults who have really good intentions and a slightly wandering attention.
0:13.0	I'm Eric Tivers. I'm a licensed clinical social worker by training and a coach by design. I'm your host and I have ADHD.
0:20.0	ADHD Rewired is more than just a podcast. You can learn
0:23.7	about our coaching and accountability groups, our virtual co-working community, and more,
0:28.6	all at ADHD rewired.com. We are wired for connection and you are not alone. Learn more about
0:35.6	our offerings, including our quarterly live Q&As, get additional
0:39.1	resources for every episode, including links to any resources we mentioned on today's show. You
0:44.3	can support us on Patreon, sign up for our email newsletter, and more. All at ADHD rewired.com.
0:51.7	And if this is your first time listening, welcome. Don't forget to hit subscribe
0:55.9	or follow on your podcast app so you never miss an episode. We know this starting is the
1:01.3	hardest part, so let's get started. Hey everyone. Before we get into today's fabulous conversation
1:08.5	all about people pleasing, I just posted a survey on our
1:11.6	coaching group page. If you're interested in an evening coaching group starting early fall at a
1:16.7	budget-friendly rate or we want to share what time you wish we offered future coaching groups,
1:21.6	go now to coaching rewired.com and complete the survey. We're also offering a raffle worth
1:26.5	$240 for completing it. Details at the break and at the survey. We're also offering a raffle worth $240 for completing it.
1:29.2	Details at the break and at the website, coaching rewired.com.
1:35.6	Welcome back to another episode of ADHD rewired.
1:39.5	Today I am joined by Anita Sandoval.
1:43.6	Anita is a licensed professional counselor, supervisor, EMDR
1:47.4	certified, and a certified clinical services provider in ADHD.
	...

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