Psychology in Seattle.

Hey deserving listeners, so before I get into this episode,

I just want a quick announcement that that this episode I had some technical

difficulty so at a certain point the audio quality is going to be bad it's about

halfway through I apologize for that all right let's get to the episode

hey deserve and listeners it's just me today I thought I would respond to some of your questions. Let's get into it.

This is the Psychology and Seattle podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Kirk Honda. I'm a therapist and I'm also a professor at Antioch University.

This first email is from patron Alex, he writes, I'm interest in the concept of people pleasers.

I've noticed myself falling into this trap my entire life, especially

in work relations and business. Although I'm trying to become more aware of it, I still catch myself

doing it.

This has created success in certain areas, but devastating effects on my own mental well-being at

times.

Any insight into what might be the root cause of such behavior

and how to feel more comfortable with asserting your needs

instead of quote unquote pleasing others.

Good question, I'm sure a lot of people might be curious about this. I don't think I've ever been

asked this before. Essentially people pleasing as a coping style. That's the way

to think about it. Sometimes people characterize it as you know you're nervous or you

know you're scared but really it's a coping style. In essence in all

likelihood I don't know your history, of course, but I would suspect that growing

up in your family, there was some tremendous benefit to having that automatic response of really paying attention to what other people want and deferring to their

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