I'm Dr. Becky and this is good inside.

If my kid is upset about something and runs up and slams the door and and my response to all that is a I know how frustrated you are this is so hard this is so sad and I'm not getting to the point where I'm like.

But seriously you can't just be running around slam and doors around here you know that I'm not actually doing the other part of parenting.

So the other day I was talking to my friend and one of the hosts of the We Can Do Hard Things podcast Amanda Doyle and she shared a phrase that I loved.

Pendulum parenting. She was telling me that she grew up in a family where she wasn't allowed to have a wide range of feelings at all.

And so it was really important for her to raise kids who were allowed to have a wide range of feelings.

But then she wondered oh did I swing to the other end of that pendulum maybe I haven't differentiated with my kids between allowing all feelings but not allowing all behaviors.

I know this is a conversation that's going to resonate with all of you will be right back after this.

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This is my conundrum I have many conundrums conundry they they are a multitude of them but I think my main one is I am trying to understand the difference between allowing all of the emotions and all of the feelings.

While not allowing all of the behaviors because I think that the way I grew up I was very performative like I always did the right things and acted in a highly respectful way and wasn't always sure that all of the emotions were received with the same degree of work.

And so I really wanted my kids to be able to have all of the emotions that anger the frustration the resentment all of it like as loudly as they wanted to and the whole spectrum of it.

But I'm having a hard time figuring out where emotions translate to behaviors and how not to be teaching them that all behaviors are appropriate someone recently said something similarly like in my house no emotions were allowed they're like I don't even know if happiness was really loud it was just like kind of just flat and then and you like I might have over corrected right and maybe that's what that's kind of similar to what you're saying yes glennon and I'm not.

My sister gladden I call it pendulum parenting that we just like take away from the pendulum was and swing it all the way over but like that's not necessarily correct or not correct or incorrect but just as helpful and safe feeling for the child to completely switch in the opposite direction and I just want to land on a place where they can trust themselves to feel of their emotions express all of their emotions but not necessarily correct.

So I'm just going to say that I'm not necessarily.

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