The following podcast contains explicit language.

Hello and welcome to mom and dad are fighting.

Slate's parenting podcast for Thursday, December 26th, the best of 2019 clip show edition.

As you may have gathered from the title, it is a clip show that holiday standard from the Simpsons and elsewhere.

Today on the show, we're going to go back and give non-plus listeners a little selection from the Slate Plus segments we've done over the course of the year.

So if you aren't a member of Slate Plus, consider this like a sampler platter, the stuff that you've missed over the course of the year.

If you are a member of Slate Plus, consider it a reminder of all the stuff you loved best over the course of the year. Of course, we can't get on with the show without doing some business. Slate's parenting newsletter is the best place to be notified about all our parenting stuff, like Mom and Dad are Fighting, care and feeding, and everything else we do. Sign up at slate.com slash parenting email. Also, check us out on Facebook. Just search for Slate Parenting on that fine platform. It is a really fun community and we moderate it so it doesn't get too out of control. To get ad-free podcasts, sign up for Slate Plus. That's our membership program. It's a great way to support everything that Slate does. For just 35 bucks for your first year, you can help cover the cost of producing Mom and Dad are fighting and your other favorite Slate shows. And of course, in return, you'll get extended ad-free versions of this show and other great Slate shows. That's a ton of other great benefits. So support the show, support Slate. Go to slate.com slash Mom and dad plus and join Slate Plus today.

Okay, onward.

Here we go.

The joke that my daughter, Lyra, has been telling everyone on God's green earth for weeks now, despite the fact that it sucks.

All right.

So these three men find a magic lantern, and they rub it and a genie pops out and they free the genie.

The genie is so happy and so delighted to be freed that in classic genie fashion,

he offers the three men three wishes each.

They don't have to share the wishes.

They each get three wishes.

The first man says, oh man, that's amazing.

I never thought I'd have this opportunity.

Let's see, I would like to, I would like to be the richest man in America and to have no possibility of that money ever being taken away due to some loophole. I just get to be rich forever. The genie snaps his fingers and poof, all of a sudden the man's wallet is bulging with money and he checks his bank account on his phone and he's got bazillions of dollars. He's richer than the Jeff Bezos. The second guy says, that's pretty good. I'd like to be the richest man in the world. I would like to have even more money, even more security, enough money to solve all the problems of the world to make myself comfortable forever.

Please make that happen.

The genie says, sure, no problem.

He snaps his fingers.

...