But I understand now. I do understand I can't have money. I can't. It's it's easier not to have money than to have money.

Paul, you said by the way I just want to say that the documentaries you made I thought they're really moving

and honest. Oh, thank you. I really enjoyed watching them. I kind of did them as my research

but I feel like you showed us a lot of who you are on those. You said on one of them

gambling is the killer and it ain't going away. Which really hit me. Yeah. So have you accepted

that this is who you are? Yeah, surrendered. Yeah, accepted. You know, it's accepted and she's like,

you know, I know I've got an illness now. I just used to fit. I was a bad person always trying to be

good. You know, lose all our money, you know, and I really beat myself up majorly about it. You know,

like, you know, you horrible man, you know, how could you lose all the money? You know what you're

doing. But I know now I am an ill person. I have a choice today. I didn't have a choice before. I

know today I'm an ill person before I didn't know. I just thought I was not a nice person. Always

trying to be good. Now I know if I ever bet it's it's not end until ends when not, you know,

I was in a gambler compulsion gambler's not someone who who has a lorry load of money and then they'll

take it out and go, you know what? I've got what? Like it hurt me to gamble by a pair of trainers

for a hundred pound. But I could easily put ten thousand pounds on something. Wow. That's that's

how it gets you. Do you know what I mean? It gets you like that. It's like, well, why don't I don't

need the trainers? Do you know what I mean? I need a bet, but I don't need the trainers. Wow.

And that's what it was like. You know, I know mates who gamble win and they go bang take it out

gang by a golf club or a set of golf clubs. I'd never ever ever took money out and spent it on me.

Ever. Fuck. Ever. So when you say you know you have an illness, what's there a moment where you

got that realisation where you're not a bad person, you got an illness? Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah,

I mean, then I start looking back and tracking back and then we had the mind thing when I went

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