You know, that's something that I really strive for and I think you do too is that how do you parent and how have a parent child relationship that really feels good to you and it feels good to the kids and not holding on to ideals because I think if you have a strong

idealization of what your child should be and then they don't, you know, meet that then, you know, a lot of times your initial reaction is to be frustrated, you know, disappointed and but it's the same thing. It's like if

a child has an idealization of what you of who you are and you fall short, then there's that disappointment. So I think being okay with not holding those ideals so strong

around, you know, the the people that you love it's a lot of times, you know, if you fall short, then there's a lot of disappointment and so I think realizing that everyone's flawed and working progress and it's okay and that's that's part that's a good thing.

Hi, this is Dene. I'm the founder of Simple Families. Simple Families is an online community for parents who are seeking a simpler, more intentional life.

In this show, we focus on minimalism with kids, positive parenting, family wellness and decreasing the mental load.

My perspectives are based in my firsthand experience raising kids, but also rooted in my PhD in child development.

So you're going to hear conversations that are based in research, but more importantly, real life. Thanks for joining us.

Hi, there. Those voices in the intro are my partner, David and I. My husband is my guest today for the podcast in honor of Valentine's Day and in the honor of relaunching the partners and parent and program enrollment is open for that now. You can go to simple families.com forward slash partners.

And in preparation for talking with David about this, I was reflecting on my journey individually as one partner in a partnership, you know, and as I've talked about over the years on the podcast so much of my early days of parenthood were wrapped up in idealizations of what I thought parenting should look like of what I thought family life should look like and usually that centered on this idea that

I should be raising kids that always listen, always behave, are always kind, always happy, always get along with one another. There are a lot of expectations. And the word always came up a lot. And I was working very, very hard.

I thought, you know, if I just read all the books and I do all the things right that we as parents can check all those boxes always.

But no matter how hard I worked, no matter how much I learned, no matter how much I read, no matter how much I applied that perfect family life has always been out of reach as it might feel for you too.

And as it pertains to my partnership for a long time as I was hustling to be all the things and do all the things and create this flawless family life, I was also putting a lot of pressure on my partner.

To do the same, you know, I thought if I just try harder, I can have a perfect family and I'm trying my hardest. Now you, my partner, need to try harder if this vision is going to become a reality.

If in fact, we're going to raise kids that behave perfectly all the time, the pressure that I put on myself, I also passed off to him too.

And I will say that letting go of some of those expectations not only has brought relief for me, but I think it probably has brought a lot of relief for my kids to giving them the space to be themselves and to make mistakes and to be human and to know that they are still loved unconditionally in the midst of all that.

And the same to my partner because he's never going to read all the parenting books.

He's never going to respond with the perfect script, but he's also nurturing this really beautiful, important relationship with our kids too.

So we've got this shared goal and we're traveling on the same road, taking lots of wrong turns along the way.

So I hope you enjoy this episode. If you're interested in learning more about partners in parenthood, go to simplefamilies.com forward slash partners and Roman is open for this week only. Thanks for tuning in.

Hi David. Thanks for being back on the podcast. Thanks.

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