Part Four: The Zizian Murder Spree (or Exactly How Harry Potter Fanfic Killed A Border Patrol Agent)
Behind the Bastards
Cool Zone Media and iHeartPodcasts
4.4 • 15.7K Ratings
🗓️ 20 March 2025
⏱️ 90 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Robert concludes the story of the Zizians with a spree of horrific violent crimes and deaths, culminating in a shoot out with the Border Patrol in Vermont of all places.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | We're back. Oh my gosh. It's behind the bastards. A podcast where Robert Evans ruined his life by reading too many blogs by internet poisoned, uh, nerd rationalist people. And I, I deeply regret everything I've done. How are you doing, David? |
| 0:22.7 | I'm good. I am concerned for you. This is a difficult place for you to spend a week. |
| 0:27.7 | Yeah, I've had an, this is an info hazard. They're not wrong to use that term. Just not in the way |
| 0:33.3 | they mean it. Yeah, exactly. This whole, like, I,... Like, I'm half committed to like selling my house, putting my goats into like a big trailer and traveling around the country, finding people who are going on online doom loops and like handing them a goat and just like, play with this goat for 20 minutes. |
| 0:53.2 | Like touch an animal, look into its weird little eyes. |
| 0:56.9 | Get off of your phone. |
| 0:58.4 | That's real, you need to go do goat yoga. |
| 1:01.1 | Yeah. |
| 1:02.1 | Something has to be done. |
| 1:05.1 | Oh, my God, yeah. |
| 1:06.9 | This is, it's so wild. |
| 1:08.9 | Yeah. |
| 1:09.9 | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 1:18.6 | Again, folks, if you want to immunize your stuff to this, a great way to do it is to just, like, have friends who don't live in a boat with you. |
| 1:21.1 | Right? |
| 1:24.0 | A very, very small boat. |
| 1:24.8 | Yeah. |
| 1:26.7 | Barely a boat. |
| 1:27.9 | Even a big boat. Yeah. Let alone barely boat. Even a big boat. |
| 1:28.3 | Yeah. |
| 1:30.4 | Let alone barely a boat. |
| 1:36.2 | And talk to like, you know, my neighbor's like a Mexican dude who loves gardening and has had a completely different life than me and knows nothing of the internet. |
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