This episode is brought to you by Pepsi Max. Christmas is great, but there's loads of ways to make it better.

Like sneaking some chili into the gravy for some extra ink, or building a playlist that will even get your

none up on the table or just cracking open an ice cold Pepsi Max.

Christmas better with Pepsi Max Christmas.

Better with Pepsi Max.

A warning before we get started.

This episode includes discussions about suicide and child sexual abuse.

This is a video of Teal Swan's first synchronization workshop when she was 27.

It's summer 2011.

She's on a stage at a recital hall in Salt Lake City.

There are about 20 people in the audience. She's wearing a

flowy purple dress and she's fidgeting with her mic court as she paces the

stage. This is one of the first videos she posted on her YouTube channel.

In the years since then, Teal has uploaded hundreds of videos to her page.

They've been viewed more than 55 million times.

A lot has changed since these first videos, like the quality is a lot better and

Teal has gained a lot of confidence. But it's clear from these videos one thing hasn't

changed. She's been saying controversial things about death since the very beginning.

That's why it's Tiel so fantastic to die. The process of die.

You just told the audience it feels fantastic to die.

She says death is an immediate relief.

She's gone on to say a lot more about suicide.

...