The following program is only made possible by contributions from listeners like you.

Namaste, day to you. I'm your host, Kyle Featherbottom, and you're listening to The Texas

Governor Hates Hispanics. For those of you unfamiliar with Texas Governor

Gregory Abbott, let me bring you up to speed. In 1984, at the age of 26, Mr. Abbott was

out for an early morning rendezvous. A rendezvous with destiny. He went to the home

depot that early morning and learned a young Hispanic man into a wooded area with the

promise of work. As you know, Hispanic men love to work with their hands, so the trusting

Latino fell for Greg Abbott's ruse rather easily. Once in the wooded area, Mr. Abbott

revealed his reason for leaving the house that morning. He had planned to hang a Latino

up by the neck until he was dead, but the universe had different plans. You see, as Mr.

Abbott was securing the lynching rope, he gave it a little tug to test the strength

of that mighty oak's branch. The branch broke and fell on Mr. Abbott, breaking his

back. He is now in a wheelchair. One would think that this would have taught the governor

a lesson, but no. His hatred of these beautiful people still burns like the heat of a thousand

planets ravaged by climate change. He has now created the Texas Tactical Border Force.

This cowboy-booted paramilitary force will be tasked with carrying out their governor's

plan to eradicate his panics from the planet. They have been instructed to set up Nazi-style

machine-gunness along the Rio Grande. It pardoned me. This is very difficult for me to

say. They have been instructed to kill every Latino, Latina and El Nino that crosses the

border. Pull yourself together. Following this program, Kelly Gleason will show you how

to pickle jalapenos in old Lady of Guadalupe Candle Chars. Now let's try to get this

horror out of our minds.

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