Parent Anger, Yelling, and Doing the Work

Psychology In Seattle Podcast

Kirk Honda

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 25 August 2021

⏱️ 92 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Dr. Kirk and Bob answer patron questions.

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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	So Bob, I thought I would lob some balls over the plate for you in an easy fashion for you to
0:07.0	hit out of the park in the form of questions from the listeners that are easy for you to answer
0:12.5	and are interesting for you to answer. What do you say, Bob? Wow, I have an easy job.
0:17.4	Anonymous patron says, oh no wait, I would hear that one. Aperture patron Hannah from London says,
0:25.1	is a common to be more angry and resentful at a non-abuse apparent than the perpetrating parent.
0:31.1	I experienced extreme violence in my childhood. My father was violent. My mother would never defend
0:36.0	me from the violence. Despite my dad being the perpetrator, I find that most of my residual
0:41.2	anger and hurt is aimed towards my mom and not my dad. Is this common? I wonder if this is
0:46.3	ingrained patriarchy where I blame my woman for not protecting me and let the man off the hook.
0:53.3	Bob, what do you think? You know, your situation is similar to mine growing up, but I never really
0:59.6	had much anger at my mom for her not intervening on my behalf or the behalf of my Sibs. She did
1:07.9	to some degree, but not really. And I had a therapist. My second therapist said to me once, well,
1:17.7	you got to be angry with your mom for not, and I'd never thought about it before. And I actually
1:22.4	don't feel angry with her around that at all. Now, I have some problems with my mom, but
1:27.1	they're in around that. I don't know what's common. Do we have any data? I don't even know.
1:34.8	anecdotally, it's very common. And I would find it in all age groups, kids included, where
1:42.9	you'd have a single mom who was doing her best and divorced an abusive husband and the
1:51.2	father of her kids. And the kids would look at Disneyland dad with admiration and longing.
2:01.0	But the kids have a lot of trauma and it has to go somewhere. And so it would go towards the mom.
2:06.5	And the mom's like, how come I'm getting all the anger and the disobedience and the
2:13.2	disdain from these kids when I'm the better parent by far. And how come my ex-husband is getting
2:22.5	none of that? And he's getting love and admiration. And there are many conceptualizations of this.
	...

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