Welcome to the magical overthinkers podcast, a show for thought spiralers, exploring the subjects we can't stop overthinking about, from imposter syndrome to crushes.

If you can relate to the feeling that despite living in the information age, life only seems to be

making less and less sense, if you can connect to the idea that for some mysterious reason,

it just feels especially hard to exist as a human in the world right now, then you're in the right

place. This podcast is here for ruminators, for dreamers,

for people who live in their heads. It's here to help us think less about the things that don't

matter and more about the things that do. I'm your host, Amanda Montel. Today, we're overthinking

about people-pleasing.

So a while back, I saw an Instagram therapist post something about people-pleasing behavior

that really got under my skin. The post made this claim that people pleasing is unconscious manipulation that stems from

a childhood fear of abandonment or conflict of some kind. And as I understand it, this sentiment really

proliferated and it's turned into one of these absolutist social media mental health axioms that is spread far and wide because it's engaging, but might not exactly be true for everyone.

And that's why I took issue with it. First off, not all people pleasing is unconscious.

Plenty of people know that they do it and wish they could stop. A lot of those people

submitted thought spirals for today's episode. But then also I got to thinking if that statement

is true, doesn't that then suggest that any behavior that considers someone else's reaction

and wants it to be positive is potential manipulation? Or jokes manipulation? Or compliments manipulation?

Still, I also do definitely recognize that some of the intermittent people-pleasing tendencies

that I've exhibited throughout my life have at times prevented me from leading the most

fully present and authentic and thus enjoyable life that I could.

Before I conducted the interview for this episode, which you're about to hear, I think I was a little

bit confused or at least had a muddy conception of what people pleasing even really meant.

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