Overthinking About Monogamy

Magical Overthinkers

Amanda Montell & Studio71

Education, Science, Society & Culture

4.3 • 636 Ratings

🗓️ 29 May 2024

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

If we can love our children and friends separately but equally, why not our romantic partners? Such is one of the many compelling thought exercises in favor of polyamory, a relationship structure that is by no means new, but has experienced an explosive recent surge in popular media, starring everywhere from New Yorker thinkpieces to reality shows like Couple to Throuple. Interrogations of monogamy as the default approach to love have become more mainstream than ever, though representations aren't always the most inclusive. In a society shaped by centuries of "amatonormativity," dipping a toe into the waters of polyamory can feel scary, or at least taboo. It's easy to lose yourself in thought spirals on the subject (Is polyamory more "natural" than monogamy? Why do some people make being "poly" their whole personality? Who even has time for multiple partners? Is it prude to think this way?). To help us puzzle through the confusion, philosopher and host of the Overthink podcast Dr. Ellie Anderson (@ellieanderphd) joins host Amanda (@amanda_montell) for a sparkling discussion. - Join the "Magical Overthinkers Club" by following the pod on Instagram @magicaloverthinkers. - To access early, ad-free episodes and more, subscribe to the Magical Overthinkers Substack. - Pick up a hard copy of Amanda's book The Age of Magical Overthinking, or listen to the audiobook. - Sources: Polyamory educator Leanne Yau - bit.ly/3WS4NGh How Did Polyamory Become So Popular? - bit.ly/3WSNDrX Knitting brings calmness and structure to the lives of people with mental illness - bit.ly/4dSBBWt To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/MagicalOverthinkersYouTube ; Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, DM, email, or send this link to a friend: https://bit.ly/MagicalOverthinkers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the magical overthinkers podcast, a show for thoughts firelers.
0:11.1	Exploring the subjects we can't stop overthinking about.
0:15.0	From social media comparison to UFOs.
0:19.0	If you can relate to the feeling that despite living in the information age,
0:23.6	the world only seems to be making less sense,
0:26.6	if you can connect to the idea that for some mysterious reason,
0:30.6	it just feels especially hard to exist as a human in the world right now,
0:35.6	then you're in the right place.
0:38.5	This podcast is here to soften the clash between our innate human mysticisms and the
0:44.7	overwhelm of this time.
0:47.0	I'm your host, Amanda Montpel.
0:49.7	Today we're overthinking about monogamy. There's this concept that I write about in the Age of Magical Overthinking that continues to live rent-free in my head.
1:01.0	The idea of zero-sum bias, the fallacious tendency to assume that another person's gain directly means your loss.
1:10.0	That can be applied to financial scenarios or social
1:13.1	ones. Just because another person is beautiful, successful, wealthy, cool, doesn't put your beauty,
1:20.0	success, wealth, coolness at risk. There is not a limited quantity of those things in the world.
1:26.6	When I encounter a person who I feel like I can
1:29.4	relate to but is superior to me in some way, at least that's my perception, my impulse is to get
1:35.9	competitive, to perceive them as a nemesis, and that sets everybody up for failure. Instead, I should
1:42.4	treat that person as a connection. Their light doesn't
1:46.0	dim mine. In fact, I'm no physicist, but I think the way that light works is that with
1:52.2	our light combined, everyone burns brighter. That sounds like a corny sentiment or even woo-woo.
	...

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