Our story of rape and reconciliation | Thordis Elva and Tom Stranger

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4.1 • 11.9K Ratings

🗓️ 24 October 2017

⏱️ 19 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In 1996, Thordis Elva shared a teenage romance with Tom Stranger, an exchange student from Australia. After a school dance, Tom raped Thordis, after which they parted ways for many years. In this extraordinary talk, Elva and Stranger move through a years-long chronology of shame and silence, and invite us to discuss the omnipresent global issue of sexual violence in a new, honest way. For a Q&A with the speakers, visit go.ted.com/thordisandtom.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	This TED Talk features writers and activists,
0:10.8	Thoris Elva and Tom Stranger, recorded live at TED Women, 2016.
0:16.2	This talk contains graphic language and descriptions of sexual violence.
0:19.8	Discretion is advised.
0:24.6	In 1996, when I was 18 years old, I had a golden opportunity to go on an international
0:30.0	exchange program. Ironically, I'm an Australian who prefers proper icy cold weather.
0:35.9	So I was both excited and tearful
0:39.0	when I got on a plane to Iceland
0:40.8	after just having farewell to my parents and brothers goodbye.
0:45.0	I was welcomed into the home of a beautiful Icelandic family
0:48.1	who took me hiking and helped me get a grasp
0:50.6	of the melodic Icelandic language.
0:53.3	I struggled a bit with the initial period of
0:55.1	homesickness. I snowboarded after school, and I slept a lot. Two hours of chemistry class in
1:02.1	language that you don't yet fully understand can be a pretty good sedative. My teacher recommended
1:09.5	I try out for the school play, just to give it a bit more socially active.
1:14.1	Turns out I didn't end up being part of the play, but through it, I met Fortis.
1:19.2	We shared a lovely teenage romance and would meet at lunchtime, so just hold hands and walk around old downtown Reykivik.
1:26.7	I met her welcoming family, and she met my friends.
1:30.5	We've been in a budding relationship for a bit over a month when our school's Christmas ball was
1:35.0	held. I was 16 and in love for the first time. Going together to the Christmas dance was a public confirmation of our relationship,
1:46.0	and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, no longer a child but a young woman. High on my
	...

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