Our Annual Christmas Poem - From Two Sober Elves
Sober Awkward
Victoria Vanstone
4.8 • 533 Ratings
🗓️ 24 December 2025
⏱️ 5 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
🎄 Merry Christmas from Sober Awkward! 🎄
It’s that time of year again, the crackers are cracking, the mulled wine is flowing, and somewhere in the chaos, a sober legend (yes, you) is standing strong. We know how awkward, emotional, and just plain weird Christmas can be when you’re doing it booze-free, so we’ve brought back our annual Sober Awkward Christmas Poem to help keep you smiling, grounded, and booze free.
This is our little festive gift to you, a reminder that you are not alone, and that choosing sobriety (especially today) is one of the most powerful, life-affirming things you can do. You won’t wake up with regret, fall headfirst into the gravy, or try to kiss your cousin during Love Actually.
You’re doing something brave. Something brilliant. Something you’ll actually remember.
So wherever you are, whatever your set-up, however awkward it gets — we’re sending you love, strength, and a huge dose of sober cheer.
Merry Christmas one and all,
Love from your favourite sober elves,
Vic & Hamish 💚
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | It's Christmas Day and your sober elves are here. |
| 0:13.6 | Two awkward weirdos who don't touch beer. |
| 0:17.1 | We've ditched the booze, embraced the cringe, and brought you many jokes about my minge. |
| 0:23.7 | Yes, Vic and Hame are here as planned to make sure your Christmas doesn't land, with you upside down in the neighbour's bin after knocking Nan's potent bottle of gin. |
| 0:35.2 | We're here for you before breakfast time, as Aunt Edith necks her first |
| 0:39.8 | vodka lime will help your Christmas be calm, not a mess, and stop you puking on your one nice |
| 0:47.0 | festive dress. Yep, we're here for you at your in-law's place, where everyone's sporting that red, |
| 0:54.0 | boozy face. |
| 0:55.5 | We're sipping fizzy water beside you feeling strange, holding your hand as you ride out this change. |
| 1:03.2 | We're here for you if you're lonely or feeling quite blue, crying at love actually on the couch beside you. |
| 1:10.6 | We're here to say you're not on your own. We've got your back. crying at love actually on the couch beside you. |
| 1:13.5 | We're here to say you're not on your own. |
| 1:16.1 | We've got your back via a microphone. |
| 1:20.5 | This year, Head Elf Haim got a job in the city. |
| 1:24.0 | We're a suit each day and looks annoyingly pretty. |
| 1:27.2 | Briefcase tie, it's Sydney a hoy. but deep down we know, he's still our little |
| 1:30.1 | wooden boy. And yes, Hame had a baby and fixed his nose. Vic roamed around the world and broke her |
| 1:37.3 | toes. She ran retreats and found her tribe, whilst Hamish, well, he mostly stayed inside. But every |
| 1:44.1 | week, no matter what, we sat together in our little spot, |
| 1:48.1 | Vic's noisy neighbours making her weep and Hayme recording with baby Romeo asleep. |
| 1:54.1 | Now we're sober, no longer pissed, not a single recording was ever missed. |
| 1:59.1 | We show up each week, share truth and despair, sometimes |
... |
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