Opt-Out of People Pleasing

Black Girl Burnout

Kelley Bonner

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.7 • 763 Ratings

🗓️ 2 March 2022

⏱️ 17 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Welcome to the Black Girl Burn Out Podcast with Kelley. Today I want to talk to you about opting out of people-pleasing. As Black Women, we are often struggling to find balance between family, work, and personal time. One key to being able to find an aligning balance involves setting healthy boundaries. Allowing it to be ok to say no when a request overextends you. It is totally ok to say no, and you don’t have to justify your decision. If you are tired of riding the roller coaster of pleasing everyone around you while neglecting yourself, this episode is for you. Here is my question to you, are you ready to opt into a life of balance and boundaries? Let’s talk about it. Our Sponsors: * Check out Super.com and use my code super.com/credit for a great deal: https://super.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Black Girl Burnout podcast. Kelly here. And today's episode is all about
0:13.1	opting out of people pleasing and opting into balance, boundaries, and putting yourself first in a healthy way.
0:23.5	I came across this post from Nedra Glover to Wab.
0:27.2	If you don't know who she is, quickly go find out all about her, follow her on the socials.
0:33.4	She is literally the queen of boundaries and has made a career and living off of teaching people how to set appropriate boundaries with themselves, with their family, with work, with just about any other person or entity you can think of.
0:52.9	And she had this post about how she had her
0:57.0	own struggles with boundaries. And it started with, I remember when I used to be a people
1:01.7	pleaser. And she says, I would. And she lists out all these types of behaviors she would do
1:09.7	when she was in people pleasing mode. And it made me think about the fact
1:14.6	that so many of us as women, you know, Nedra is a black woman, at that, so many of us as black
1:22.8	women are trying to do it all. We are trying to balance home, balance work, balance personal time and
1:31.2	personal ambitions and family responsibilities and parenting and caregiving and doing all these
1:38.5	things. And how much of that comes down to this false belief that we have to suffer in silence, we have to be
1:45.6	available for everyone, we have to make sure everybody's happy, leaving ourselves at the bottom
1:51.7	of that list of people to make happy, and that as women, we are conditioned to behave a certain
2:00.1	way, and as black women, perhaps even more so,
2:04.3	to people please. And it's very subtle how people pleasing shows up. And yet when we are
2:12.5	trapped in people pleasing cycles, we are heavily opting into struggle because there will always be a
2:19.2	natural tension between what we need, what our gut is saying, what we desire for ourselves,
2:27.9	and then the desires, it demands, and wants of others. And when we're not in alignment with those two things, we are
2:37.9	absolutely going to struggle. We're going to struggle to establish healthy relationships.
2:43.7	We are fully opting into struggle when we engage in people pleasing.
	...

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