The

The I'm Christopher Titus, and this is the Armageddon update.

Today, we're going to talk about something that

affects us all, that actually affects the whole planet and the galaxies around us. Did Trump

try to blow up space? No, the directors of the next Star Wars movie got fired and replaced with

Richie Cunningham, Ron Howard, Oscar-winning director, and Potsie's best friend. Or maybe he was Fonsie's

best friend. No, Ralph Mouttsey's best friend. Or maybe he was Fonsi's best friend. No, Ralph Mouth was

Potsie's best friend. And what happened to Richie's brother, Chuck? Does anyone know what the hell happened? Remember at the beginning of series he had a brother named Chuck? What the hell happened to him? Let me tell you how Hollywood works. The people with all the money make all the decisions. And if you piss off those people that have the money and make the decisions, they will make unfavorable decisions about you and your life.

And this is from a guy who is working for a huge TV network and had the balls to tell the boss she didn't know what she was doing. So I am an expert at what level of douchebag it takes to get fired from a cake job. So the next Star Wars movie is going to be about Hans Sola. This is an iconic character who every man wants to be and every girl wants to play with his lightsaber.

Hans Sola. This is an iconic character who every man wants to be and every girl wants to play with his lightsaber. Hans Solo is the best baddest-ass

hero from my childhood, maybe because he had that hero sight and he was kind of like my dad after

a 12-pack, funny and a little scary. To bring Han Solo's story to the screen, we would need a

director that was one of the

best, so Disney decided on, wait for it, the guys that did the Lego movie, perfect. Yeah,

the guys that directed animated children's toys should totally direct the story of my

childhood's most iconic hero. Why don't let the guy that directs the progressive TV commercials

do the next season of Game of Thrones? Hollywood really knows nothing, and this is just more proof. Here's what I've learned. When you're working, people, do the job. And the people that are paying you, do what they tell you to do. Do your best, take your check and shut up. Don't feel like a big shot. Don't get a big head. These directors, Phil Lord and Chris Miller, are good directors. They did 21 Jump Street, the Lego movie, and Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. They have actually directed four movies. And that's only three more than me. And this is a movie directed in a galaxy far, far away. Star Wars, bitches, you can't just turn this over to the guys that did the Lego movie! And don't get me wrong, it's not their fault. It's the executive that walked into his boss and said,

Hey, what? You can't just turn this over to the guys that did the Lego movie. And don't get me wrong, it's not their fault.

It's the executive that walked into his boss and said, Hey, what about the Lego movies guys to direct this bad boy, huh? They also did Cloudy with the Chance of Meatballs, huh? Star Wars, Cloudy with the Chance of Meatballs? That's perfect, Steve. That sounds so ultra-hip and cool. Boy, people are going to just pat us on the back.

Call those douchebags and let's wrap this baby up.

Hey, let's also get that guy who shoots those stand-up bathtub commercials on Fox. You know, the ones that look like half a porta-potty? Let's get that guy to direct the next dark night movie, too. Let's think outside the box. Fucking idiots. This is for all of you that think Hollywood is the end-all, be-all, and wish that you

were here working.

...