Since receiving her cancer diagnosis, Colleen Chow has been determined to serve others as much as possible,

but sometimes she's struck by a sense of impending loss. Like the time she checked into a hotel by herself

and watched her family pull away. Yes, when I was writing in the hands of a fiercely tender god, I did a little

rider's retreat. I was hopped up on chemo and just not getting the book done. I was struggling.

I was distracted at home. And so I went for two nights at a hotel. And Eddie and Jeremy dropped me off.

They walked out and I could see the parking lot from my window.

So I went over to watch them and to wave at them.

And I tell you, watching them walk to the car and waving at them, there was this hit on my heart

that I did not even know how to process.

I'm like, this little goodbye from a hotel room window represents something too much for me to absorb a process in that moment.

What it represented was cruel. It was a cruel moment.

And then, as God faithfully does, I just felt God, God with me. Like he's, he's got

them. He's got me. He's in the goodbyes. The short ones, the long ones, he's there with us.

And he cares for them, and he's going to take care of them. And then he gives more time.

I have been shocked at the more time. I'm flabbergasted at the more time. I don't understand it.

It's crazy. When I got that diagnosis, I thought, I'll never have hair again. I'm just gonna wither away and die.

I mean, that was, that was, that's what I was all prepped for.

My type A personality was getting everything lined up.

And here we are over four years later, and I think,

this is, this is a gift beyond anything I could have

fathomed.

It's amazing.

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