Olga Khazan: Do You Feel Socially Awkward? This Episode Will Change Your Life & INSTANTLY Make You Confident in ANY Social Interaction
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
4.8 • 28.5K Ratings
🗓️ 28 July 2025
⏱️ 86 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Do you ever feel like who you are is holding you back?
Can you really change your personality — or are you stuck with it for life?
Today, Jay sits down with award-winning journalist and author Olga Khazan, whose groundbreaking book Me But Better explores the science of personality change. As a staff writer at The Atlantic, Olga has spent years investigating what shapes who we are — and whether it’s possible to become more confident, resilient, and fulfilled by intentionally shifting our traits.
Jay and Olga explore the surprising research showing that personality isn’t fixed — and that with consistent effort, anyone can become a different version of themselves. Olga shares how she transformed traits like anxiety and self-doubt by applying science-backed tools and testing them in her own life.
They dive deep into how habits shape identity, why a strong “why” is essential for lasting change, and how the traits we envy in others might point us toward who we’re meant to become. They also unpack the difference between being “authentic” and being stuck — and why growth often looks like discomfort before it feels natural.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to Change Personality Traits You’ve Had for Years
How to Shift from Anxiety to Emotional Balance
How to Use Habits to Redefine Who You Are
How to Identify the Traits That Align with Your Goals
How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Becoming Cold
How to Make Growth Feel Authentic — Not Fake
True change doesn’t come from pretending to be someone else — it comes from becoming the person you were always capable of being. This episode is a powerful reminder that you’re not stuck. With intention, action, and the right mindset, you can grow into someone new.
With love and gratitude,
Jay Shetty
What We Discuss:
00:00 Introduction
02:08 Key Takeaways From Olga
03:03 Frustration As A Block
05:22 Research Says We Can Change Our Personality Traits
07:30 Why Do We Get So Stuck?
09:46 Is Personality Change Age Exclusive?
11:47 How Can We Change Our Personality?
17:34 Changing Habits Vs Personality Traits
24:31 How Long Does It Take To Change Personality Traits?
35:09 Gender Effects On Personality Traits
37:36 5 Personality Traits That Make Up Personality
41:35 Feeding Motivation For Change
51:46 How Can We Be More Extroverted?
54:04 Exposure Therapy For Introverts
56:56 How Personality Changes Affects The People Around Us
01:01:43 The Social Investment Theory
01:03:15 How Does The SIT Affect Relationships?
01:06:45 From Pessimism To Optimism
01:09:31 How People Pleasers Can Create Healthy Boundaries
01:14:35 Can Introverts Become Extroverts?
01:18:24 Can People With Depression & ADHD Change Their Personality?
01:21:25 Olga On Final Five
Episode Resources
Olga Khazan | Instagram
Olga Khazan | X
Olga Khazan | LinkedIn
Olga Khazan | Facebook
Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast. |
| 0:04.4 | This week on Dear Chelsea with me, Chelsea Handler. |
| 0:07.7 | Marin Morris is here. |
| 0:09.3 | You came out of a marriage. |
| 0:11.2 | You came out of quote-unquote country music. |
| 0:13.7 | And you had a huge growth spurt from what I can tell. |
| 0:16.9 | I was expanding and growing at a really fast pace. |
| 0:22.5 | And yes, you could throw motherhood and the postpartum thing, learning about myself. |
| 0:27.0 | There were a lot of, like, identity crises going on. |
| 0:29.2 | But I realized, like, I can't look back and slow down for people. |
| 0:34.4 | Listen to Dear Chelsea on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. |
| 0:41.0 | People think that you were born with your personality and you're just stuck with it. |
| 0:44.7 | But just because you've always been a certain way doesn't mean you have to stay that way. |
| 0:49.1 | Olga Hazan. |
| 0:49.8 | The author of me, but better. |
| 0:51.7 | The science and promise of personality change. |
| 0:55.0 | Can an introvert actually become an extrovert if they want to? |
| 0:59.0 | Rather than permanently changing, learn the ability to try on this personality trait. |
| 1:05.0 | Put on extroversion. |
| 1:07.0 | Is there an age at which it's impossible to change our personality? |
| 1:11.4 | Some people change more after their 30. |
| 1:14.1 | Different choices that we make can change us throughout our lives. |
... |
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