Hello and welcome to citation needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet, and that's how it works now.

I'm no illusions and I'm afraid I might be about to host a 30-minute poop joke.

And arousing those suspicions are two men willing to do their duty

Tom and Eli.

You know, really, every deck is the poop deck if you try hard.

Absolutely.

Or if you try the shrimp.

And group number two consists of Heath and Cecil.

Oh, we're shitting buddies. Yeah, you want to hold? Yeah, let's do it. Cheers. Heart in contact. It's a double deuce. Let's do it. There you go. And before we get started, I want to acknowledge how fortunate we are to be able to make poop jokes for a limit. Right? Like, most jobs would frown on us doing this kind of shit during work hours, but thanks to our patrons, we can roll around in it. And of course, if you'd like to learn how to join their ranks, be sure to stick around to the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us, Tom, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event what we'll be talking about today. Today we will be talking about Olestra.

Okay, Eli, this one has no doubt been building up in you for quite a while.

Are you ready to let it loose?

I'm overflowing with it, no illusions.

All right, so tell us what is Olestra?

Podcast listener, I'm fat.

And I'm always going to be fat.

I got chubby pretty early in childhood, and though my well-meaning parents kept me away from sugary cereal, soda, and candy, I just ate a bunch of fucking crazons and got fatter.

Didn't really change things.

A bunch of sugar.

Yeah, exactly.

This is the thing.

Fruit has sugar, too.

What that means is that I, like so many of my fellow Americans, have spent most of my

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