Hi, everybody. Just like Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert and Mark Ruffalo and Brian Cranston,

I'm today devastated that women's rights have been taken away because Trump has won the election.

But I felt invigorated earlier because I saw a new movement that's catching fire

where liberal progressive women are going on social media,

declaring that they are withholding sex for the next four years as a protest of any men that might have voted for

Trump. Being the consummate male feminist that I am, I decided, well, if women can withhold sex,

surely men can too. And so earlier today, my wife came looking for some afternoon

delight, some sexy time, played some very white music, gave me that look. And I said, no. She said,

come on. Give me that sugar. Come on come on you godly sexual prowess of a predatory bedroom bully

come on let's do this and i said no there will be no sexy time until trump is no longer in power

i know it's a lot it's it's punishment because imagine anyone time until Trump is no longer in power.

I know it's a lot, it's punishment because imagine any woman living with this and not having access to the God's sad magic, but that's what I'm willing to do to demonstrate

that I stand with all progressive women who are

fighting against the illegitimate assent of Donald Trump. Now that he's in power, beautiful

women, six foot four women that have nine-inch penises and testicles will no longer be able to

compete against biological women. Those women who are six-foot-four will no longer be able to

walk into your 15-year-old daughter's locker room and exhibit themselves in their female genitalia penis-shaped genitalia.

We can't have that.

This is a affront to womanhood, and so I hereby declare no more knocking boots in the sad household.