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Yes, yes, yes, thank you. Thank you.

Tonight's episode is brought to you by the American Ointment Council.

When your butt hurts, put AOC on it.

Happy Monday, everyone.

So this weekend's no king's rallies were notable for all the elderly people in

attendance. It was the first demonstration ever to be funded by George Soros and visiting angels.

Visiting angels. And no, that smell wasn't tear gas. It was aspir cream. News media claimed seven million people attended,

an estimate they received from event organizers. Right. That's like believing Jasmine Crockett

when she brags that she scored an 800 on her SAT. My guess is it was probably under a million, which still means if all those people

joined hands, they could wrap around J.B. Pritzker.

Nah, he's fat.

At the rallies, protesters were spotted wearing frog, shark, and dinosaur costumes.

The one costume they couldn't pull off, successful employee.

Also joining in were celebrities like John Cusack, Kathy Griffin, and Jimmy Kimmel,

otherwise known as three men and a facelift.

And while Kamala Harris encouraged people to attend the no kings rally, her husband Doug

encouraged nannies to attend his no pants rally.

Anyway, former press secretary, Carri Jean-Bierre said watching Joe Biden drop out of the presidential race

left her feeling angry and sad.

She then wrote down my name after I ordered a Frappuccino.

...