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Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Nikki Glaser

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Team Coco & Earwolf

Comedy

4.857.5K Ratings

🗓️ 13 January 2020

⏱️ 52 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Comedian Nikki Glaser feels overwhelmed about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Nikki and Conan sit down to discuss modern perspectives on the vagina, the emotional toll of performing a roast, how discovering stand-up comedy helped Nikki manage an eating disorder, and going down in flames with her worst-ever jokes told at a wedding. Plus, Conan responds to the idea of his name on a rump-cheek as he and his staff Review the Reviewers. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 451-2821.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hi, my name is Nikki Glazer, and I feel overwhelmed about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

0:30.0

Well hello Conan O'Brien here. That sounded really insincere. Well hello. I

0:40.6

sounded like the movie phone guy. Yeah. Well hello. Press one. Yeah. Press one

0:46.8

for a technology that doesn't exist anymore. Press two for an impression that's

0:53.5

way out of date. Conan O'Brien here. Let's stop screwing around. We got a we got a

0:59.7

tightness thing. Let's be serious. We got a tight in the bolts on this thing. Welcome to

1:04.2

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. This is my side hustle. It's my side hustle and I'm

1:12.7

having a blast. It's really fun. I don't know why I'm allowed to do this, but it's

1:19.2

just been a joy and I get to talk to people I really want to talk to and go off

1:25.1

on strange tangents and everyone can see what kind of medication I'm on. I just

1:29.3

listening to it. And it's really been a lot of fun and I'm joined by my trusty

1:34.2

assistant, Sona Movesession. Hello. Hi. You didn't change your name when you got

1:38.7

married, did you? I did not. Did you? Are you tempted at all to change your name?

1:42.3

I'm thinking about it. If we have kids, you know, what is time? I have kids, mom.

1:46.8

Yeah, your mother. Your mother's gonna force. She's gonna buy a baby and push it in

1:53.4

there. Oh, my God. Sorry. That's what's going on. It's got a Thanksgiving turkey. Yeah.

2:01.4

Oh, my God. I buy the baby. I push it in you. Mom, stop it. Mom, that's crazy.

2:10.3

Listen, tack. Let's forget. I forget I said that America. We can't. No one can forget.

2:16.7

Sona, what is tack's last name? Boroyan. And your last name is Movesession. Yeah, we're

2:22.3

two Armenians. Yes. It's just the IAN at the end. That's always the rule, right?

2:27.0

Well, his is why a N. Oh, oh, and you managed twist. And you managed to, you managed to

2:33.6

bridge that massive cultural divide. Is that a, is Landau Calrissian and Armenian?

...

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