Welcome! Welcome, one and all, to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for that welcome. You're already way better audience than this week's conservative political action conference or CPAC,

which was not CPAC. Turns out CPAC really stands for crazy to put up all those chairs.

The crowd that did attend was mostly rabid maga supporters, so it's no surprise the former president got 62% of the vote compared to 20% for Florida Governor Rhonda Santis and the annual straw poll.

So he's either really popular or straw poll voters just voted for the persons who hair look most like straw.

The former president long walk the worth of the former president used his speech to re-relaunch this 2024 campaign and it got real, creepy, real fast.

In 2016, I declared, I am your voice. Today I add, I am your warrior, I am your justice. And for those who have been wronged and betrayed, I am your retribution. I am your retribution.

That's pretty harsh. I haven't heard a political speech this dark since H.W. Bush at the 1992 Republican Convention.

But it wasn't all terrifying previews of the fascism to come. There was also some silly stuff like when he said this about the border wall.

And they put it in hiding it.

Yes, they hid it.

In a hiding area. Where is that, you ask? Well, maybe you could find it in the new Maga Kids book, Where Walgo.

Woo!

Oh, no.

Of course, it wouldn't be a speech from the former president without some classic mouth whoopsies, like when he tried to go after the Manhattan DA who was investigating him.

The racist Manhattan district attorney, Alvin Bragg, who is presiding over one of the most dangerous and violent cities in the United Straits.

Yes.

The United Straits, also known as the Crowder to Dave Matthews concerts.

So pretty embarrassing that he mispronounced the name of the country, but it's not like he did it a second time.

Now challenge the governors of all 50 Spades.

Yes.

Yes.

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