Shivura Sam tries to Facebook, or how I learned what it's like to share the internet with a cyber bulimic.

Player 1 is me, Lady Saber, 16-year-old foreign exchange student from Belgium.

Exam week is finally over, so I'm enjoying the holiday out of town with my host family.

Also, I'm a huge song of ice and fire slash Lord of the Rings nerd.

Player 2 is Sir Sam the Shivura's smooth cheeks, the widest nights of all.

Generally, a lard ever present a Roma of stale Italian food never removes his trilby

because he never sleeps and never showers.

Sam also has the Facebook habits of someone with an eating disorder.

I have no other notions of how to describe it.

He'll make four, five, six posts in rapid secession about anything ranging from atheism,

look what a nice guy I am, and general rants designed to flaunt his intelligence.

This is the binge, about an hour later he'll come back and purge all of them,

or four out of five, no matter how much time he spends on the sores.com writing them.

It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen, and it's why I'm not able to screen cap most of the stuff he actually posts.

Player 3 is John, the guy that I'm crushing on, and in all around good person.

We aren't officially dating yet, but it's heading that way.

Archnemesis to Sam.

He's not in this story, but he gets mentioned so that's a bit of his backstory.

This story begins immediately after the previous one, the day before Christmas break.

I check Facebook, mostly keeping up with friends and family overseas,

and I see one of Sam's tirades clogging my feed like cholesterol plaque.

So there's a screenshot from Facebook where Sam says,

...